I’m so broken

I’m so broken

I’m so broken

LTME postDear Talissa

this message is long but it will probably be the last open hearted message I will write to you so here goes nothing…. You’ll probably never read this, and that’s okay.

Its easy for people to suggest that you let go, move on…forget. But I’m still thinking of you every single day. Its painful in ways I thought not possible and the worst part is Talissa , I know you’re happy, moved on and now hopefully find someone that loves you as much as I did and I’m possibly never in your thoughts.

You’ll probably never read this, and that’s okay. I just needed to say it. Since you left me with a letter and no goodbye, I suppose this is at least appropriate.

Before I met you, I strongly believed that it was almost impossible to find the perfect girl of my dreams . someone that puts me first in everything, shares everything and wants to go all out to make sure i’m comfortable.I was so sure that I would go places I would never have imagined with you by my side. There was never a dull moment with you and it showed on my face how happy I was with you cause my friends could see the sudden happiness.

I will always love you. I can’t help that. I want to stop, I want to hate you for everything you did, I want to tell you awful things to make you feel as weak as you made me feel on the day you left that note. I want to, but I can’t. No matter what you do I never will, as far as I’m concerned you were the reason why I woke up in the morning.

This is why I jumped right into a relationship with you barely more than one week after meeting you. I forgot about playing the wait game just to be sure about you and most of all, I forgot you were human. you just seem so perfect to me, void of any flaws.

Everyone around me loved you as much as i did. I want you to know I meant it when I told you I love you.

You told me we were forever, you told my family and your family that. That I was the best you’d ever had. I don’t know if it was all lies I hope it wasn’t……….

Every Once and a while I think of you I still think about and wonder what it would have been like, if we met up now at this point of life … but we had our moment in time and i thank you for that…i always wonder what if… you are and always will be my first true love… .

Okay, all the time I think of you. I feel as though this is a process, getting over you. You got over me SO QUICKLY. I guess that is part of the reason why it hurt so badly. I am aware that you are never coming back, and as much as I want to hold out hope that you will, it just hurts so badly. All of our memories and the way you made me feel, it was like nothing I had ever known.

I wish I could tell you how I feel, but it seems pointless because it won’t change a thing. We had alot of life changing events on our shoulders and I hope we made the right choices.

I should have given you the trust you wanted me to Talissa and then I wouldnt be here now, writing this. I’d be here with you instead, giving you everything. I’m so broken and I know deep down that I let go of the one and only thing I would ever need in this world….your love, time and effort… I love you Talissa xx

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