I wish

LTME-postAfter over two and a half years together, living together for 6 months and telling me how much you loved me and thought I was the one out of the blue you dumped with no explanation other than we’re just not meant to be together. I deserved more than that.

You said you only started feeling like that two weeks ago, you still loved me and nothing had changed. You told me you would always care about me, I’d always be someone special to you and you wanted us to be friends, you saw us being good friends. Later you told me you’d never ignore me and you’d always be there if I needed you. The promises made in the last two sentences were quickly broken and now I doubt everything else you promised and professed in the past.

There was more to it than you told me I always felt that. You could’ve had the decency to tell me, you owed me that much at least. I realised recently though that you were trying to avoid laying any blame at your feet. A neutral, “it just didn’t work out, we’re not meant to be together”, means you don’t have to feel guilty because it’s not your fault. Guilty that you hadn’t supported me when I needed you after my sister died and when I was overwhelmed at work. Guilty that you’d lost interest in me long before you broke up with me but hid it from me, guilty that you got annoyed for bringing you down when I was unhappy, guilty that you hadn’t been there me after I moved in like you promised you would. Instead you told me I didn’t handle stress well and that you thought you could do better. I had to handle the stress the best I could myself while trying to do my best to make you happy because you sure as hell didn’t lift a finger to help me.

I was so unhappy initially, I really just wanted to give up, I couldn’t see how I could carry on. My friends were so far away and I felt so alone. YOu told me you wanted to be friends but you got fed up with me and you’d tell me you didn’t care, to talk to someone, anyone else just not you. You ignored me even when I told you how much it hurt and how it just made everything worse.

Finally, to really show me just how little I ever meant to you, you completely cut me out of existence when you started a new relationship, by ignoring me, blocking me on Facebook and messenger and deleting all our pictures even though we were no longer in contact. You said it was out of respect for your new girlfriend but it disrespects me and I deserve better than that. It seems like you would shove me under a train in order to show her respect.

I wish I hadn’t got so upset over you. I wish I hadn’t let you knock my confidence. I wish I hadn’t completely and utterly believed everything you told me and your supposed feelings for me. I wish I hadn’t tried to be so nice about what you’d done, wishing you all the best with your new girlfriend and wanting to make sure there were no hard feelings. I wish I’d broken up with you when you weren’t there for me instead of struggling on only for you to lose interest and dump me.
I deserved better than you.

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