Thanks for showing me what I didn’t want

Thanks for showing me what I didn’t want

Thanks for showing me what I didn’t want

LTME-postAt the time of our relationship, I thought things were so great. I thought that the sacrifices I was making were what you did when you loved someone. I had constant doubts but you always reassured me that was normal. It wasn’t until I broke up with you that I realized it wasn’t. None of it was normal.
The panic attacks I was constantly having was because of you and all the pressure you put on me and our relationship. I felt that I couldn’t do anything wrong or that you didn’t want to do. If we had to do something you didn’t consider “fun” you would complain all day making everyone miserable. If it wasn’t what you wanted to do, then you made it awful for both of us. I constantly thought about breaking up with you but I always talked myself out of it. You told me that you loved me and I truly believed you did. But I don’t believe that I ever loved you.
I think back to all the nights I pretended to fall asleep early because I didn’t want to talk to you over the phone or FaceTime. The nights when I was so exhausted that I could barely keep my eyes open and you would shake me awake because you wanted to have sex. You would hound me and whine and not let me fall asleep unless I agreed. You always put pressure on me and it made me agree to things I shouldn’t have. You made it all about being physical and getting laid where ever and whenever you wanted. When I said no, you made me feel guilty.
I lost who I was in our relationship. I let you make me feel less of a person. You made all the decisions, like I didn’t have a voice. It became all about you. You made demands about how often and when we had to see each other. I stopped drinking because you didn’t like how I acted and what I did when I drank. I still remember the night you told me I could pick any restaurant I wanted for dinner and you flipped out because I didn’t pick were you wanted. So we ended up at Applebee’s once again. And I finally realized this was not what I wanted.
I know that I moved on too quickly for your liking. We tried to stay friends but you became more controlling and angry then when we were together. So I finally told you goodbye forever. I know I hurt you but you finally broke me.

But I still want to thank you. Thank you for showing me what I didn’t want in a relationship. For showing me so much bad, that I could appreciate the good when I found it. I have found myself and am whole again. I am in a relationship that is about balance. We don’t always agree but we make it about both of us not just one person. I have never once doubted that I have found the person with whom I want to spend the rest of my life.

Thank you for being everything wrong so I would know when I found the guy who was right. I am finally truly happy and in love.

2 Comments

  1. Saki 7 months ago

    This sounds very similar to what I went through. Glad you made it out

  2. Lin 7 months ago

    Your letter truly speaks to me. I was in the same situation just a few weeks ago. It’s one of those things where you think everything that happens is something everyone goes through but, you only tell yourself that because you know its wrong. Thank you for explaining everything better than I could have. Thank you

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