Hey Wolf [alias for anonymity]

I decided to write this on Valentines Day. I missed you. Despite everything I still don’t hold grudges but I know you do. I cant speak for that i understand but if I could rewind time and try to cope better I would. I always handled stress bad. I sometimes took it out on you. I decided to right this on valentines day because i felt i missed you so much. I knew you for 7 years. was in a relationship with you for 2 years. During those two years. You treated me better than everyone else. Homelessness was a thing and i stood by you [and still do]. My parents called you a “Yank Wank”. Sometimes “Predator” and it would make me cry each time. My dad would just say “Crying isn’t for men” as if all men were masculine. You and I both know I am not masculine, I was an emotional asshole. It wasn’t always like that tho. It used to be where wed have weekly pokemon battles and trade frequently in it. We also had fun writing various fiction. I also used to have the unprecedented confidence and kindness. But when we got into a relationship the lions came and stripped me of all of that. Then the hyenas outside scavenged on the remains. But you were like a loyal wolf who stood by me trying to keep me safe. As it is my parents still hold a grudge of that time. Whenever I visit if I do something wrong the get mad. My dad expects me to be strong when in actuality i am agile and quick. And if I cant help him, they get mad. That is the nature of all my relationships these days even with you as you were terrified of what i was from the time i was constantly under stress. You may have claimed to want to forget the past but a part of what i was remains from then [for better and worse]. When I took up swordsmanship with that group i felt happy but also anxious. I was afraid because i might accidentally hurt them. But whenever I got hurt I just laughed because part of me weirdly enjoyed pain. We had various ups and downs. It wasn’t the gay abuse that got to me. It wasn’t the expectations of my father that crushed my energy. It wasn’t the stress from stupid bosses that broke my confidence. It was whenever you blocked me on everything that broke the glass and made my emotions fall into the void. I sometimes wish I could go back and just remain friends instead of invoking all that stress upon the two of us. Even tho I as apathetic a lot, the one thing I don’t regret is the project of UC. It was the best time ever just writing that with you it made me feel a sense of accomplishment and gratitude even when i look at it today. The main reason I couldn’t work on that anymore because i don’t have the same emotion i used to and I never told you as I was afraid you’d consider me a monster for it. I still value you as a friend even today when I cant talk to you. I received an email the other day telling me that the gift i got you is on its way [was delayed for reasons].

I hope you read this all the way to the end.
No matter what you will always be the wolf who made an ice shield around me to protect me.
But they ended up melting it and got to gem inside it.
Even tho I still appreciate the thoughts you had at the time.

From – KW