If only things could have been different. I wish I could have forgotten your past indiscretions or that I never knew them to begin with, but that just isn’t the case. I disregarded Rumours from others about you, and gave you the benefit of the doubt in so many dubious situations but there’s only so much you can trust someone. You lied to me over and over again. You broke every single promise you ever made to me. Each lie, each misplaced trust added up until, in the end I could not escape the doubts festering in the back of my mind. When you hurt me and you knew you did, you seemed so remorseful. You promised you would never hurt me again, that you would change your habits. You hurt me again just days later. We tried to carry on but by then, it was doomed. Love needs respect and trust. Your lies, your broken promises and your (at times) neglect showed me how little you respect me and also made it almost impossible to trust you. I’m sorry. I’m sorry that it all bred such toxic resentment and distrust in me that, in the end I became almost obsessive about your whereabouts and your intentions. I became someone I never wanted to be; angry, suspicious and hurt all the time. The truth is I truly love you but I can only be free of all the resentment and put all those painful memories to rest by setting myself free. I deserve better than someone who is always hiding things and breaking promises/lying. You deserve better than a hurt, angry partner who can’t make peace with our past.
I wish you the best. I hope you find someone who you never want to lie to, never want to disrespect and never hurt.
I hope I find someone who never needs to hide anything from me.
Yours in my dreams yet.