The closure

The closure

The closure

LTME-postDear Taylor,
Whether you ever get this or not I needed to write this out. John my therapist thought it was time…. I was so mad at you that day you left. I was just so hurt, I remember walking into an empty house. I remember going to the kitchen and sitting on the floor and crying. Months after that, I was angry at you and myself for staying as long as I did. I didn’t understand how I could be stupid enough to let you do that to me. Why wasn’t I strong enough? For months, I relived everything and thought maybe if I didn’t come that Friday or if I had just blocked you and never spoke to you ever again how different my life would have been. After what I found out about Leigh, the money, the web of lies, and etc I was just mad. I was a scorn woman. You leaving was the biggest betrayal of all. In my mind. Looking back now, I wouldn’t change one second of our life together. I needed you to make me a stronger person. I was so naïve. You were greatest lesson that God has ever given me. For months, after you left I tried to force some kind of friendship because, I wanted so bad to believe that I didn’t waste my time. I didn’t want be the fool that everyone that I was for letting someone play me. I realized now that you are who you are. You leaving that day was the best thing you ever done for me in our whole relationship. I knew we were wrong for each other, but I stayed because I wanted to prove everyone wrong. The day you left, you gave me a second chance at the life I wanted. The freedom I needed. Like, play baseball with my friends late at night, or pulling an all nighter with them. A chance to be a normal college girl. I don’t want you to feel bad for anything you did or my actions towards the baby. I don’t wonder if your choice to leave was wrong, when you left me you gave everything to me. John asked me if I ran into you down the road in life what I would do or say, back then I said I would want to cuss you out or beat you up. But, amazingly now I told him if I ran into you, you wouldn’t be able to tell if it was because how different I look. I wondered if I would even recognize you? I wondered if I would embrace you or just smile and walk on… I really hope the best for you Kelley, I really hope that you treat her well. I hope you learn from your mistakes. Life is too short to not be happy. You always got in your own way and ruined your chances of being happy. I hope you relationship with her goes to places ours had gone and hopefully places it had not. Maybe your different now…. maybe you aren’t as messy or you don’t smoke as much or you don’t fold your pizza into a sandwich before eating. What I learned through all that is, it reminds me that I am capable of love and worthy of love. It also reminds me when you care for someone it never goes away. You’ll always care for them. I am so proud of the person I become. You gave me the greatest gift of all, you gave a chance to find my dreams, because I know I couldn’t have done that in our relationship. You gave me a chance to really fall in love. You should’ve seen his shining face under the Cherry Blossoms. I should’ve known that we were wrong for each other when you chose quiet town over Madison Square. I blocked Jackie because I’ve officially moved on and I don’t need that part of my life as a reminder. Nothing personal. Good Luck.

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