It’s been a few months and I’m slowly coming to terms with letting go. It’s been really hard, I was in denial about separating and many times I’ve wanted to give up but somewhere in me I agree with you, that maybe all this is for the best.
Our time together was full of ups and downs, with few moments of stability in between. To be honest, I don’t think you were ever committed to making us work even though you loved me. I don’t think I was either even though at the time I believed I was. But human beings are not perfect and we’re driven by many things; fear, doubt, commitment etc. not only a lack of love. Clarity always comes in retrospect.
We are different people and deep down we never thought we would get as far as we did. No one thought we would either, they always asked me If ‘we were really together’ and I always wondered why it felt like everyone but me didn’t believe in us.. Maybe that was a red flag
Our short relationship was turbulent. Heart breaking at times and happy at times, so much so that for a few moments I allowed myself to believe you were my future. I believed our problems were the complexities of love and life J, that we would face them and move forward. We didn’t though, we took it as a sign of our glaring incompatibility and we made a choice to throw in the towel.
Missing you comes in waves which subside then re-surface, like most people here I suppose. I don’t doubt in our capacity to forge on with life, I have to. ‘Can’t cry over spilled water’ but now that a new phase begins for me and you all I always say to you is I wish you well.
Our love was complicated, as love often is but It was real and you were special to me too.
Forgive me as I try to forgive you and leave me in your past as I try to leave you in mine as heart breaking as our separation still is.
All the best.