Mixed emotions

Mixed emotions

Mixed emotions

LTME-postI wrote this letter to you without an agenda. I would appreciate it if you could read this letter I have spent time to write to you in an open and receptive mind. At least for the sake of the wonderful moments we have shared. I do realise there is a massive chance that may not even open this letter, read and may just throw it away. Either way, It’s helping me to write it all down and get it out of my system.
I have come to the realisation that you walking away from me, might just be for our own good. Truth is, I hate the way we ended things. I loved you so much that it felt like a part of me died when you told me you were moving back to your mothers. It felt like you ripped my heart in shreds when you actually left and then didn’t want anything to do with me again. It hurt so much more than I let on, because I thought if I showed you that you might just laugh in my face. I cared so much and most properly still do. I mean who gets over their first love? I do understand why left and I’m sorry that I let my insecurities ruin our relationship. I won’t say I’m happy you’re moving on, because honestly, I wish you were still in love with me and not moving on. But don’t worry; I don’t have any hope for that.
That night you came back from Amsterdam, I was really happy. I missed you and was very happy to know that I was the person you called in your time of need. I actually felt loved and needed. Something I hadn’t felt in a while. Then it went back to you living in the same house but not with me. I had to hold back how I felt as you acted like you never wanted anything to do with me. I was not hard to please, all I asked from you was that you gave me attention, love, affection and be loyal.
I received a phone call today from a number that was very similar to yours and my heart actually skipped a beat. I haven’t realised until this moment, that I was kind of waiting for you to contact me. I have seen you a few times since you chose to break my heart and it really hurt. You seem to be moving on with your life pretty fast. I didn’t want to wait for you, but unaware to myself, I was. You were a part of my life for so long and I didn’t know how to let go.
You walking away from me actually cleared up my mind. I was so clouded by all my emotions that I was not able to take a step back and put it all into perspective. The life I had once known and the one I had wanted with you is over and I couldn’t be more heart broken. I really did love you so much. I wanted to live together, I want to get married, I wanted children and most of all I wanted a future with you. To be honest I should have seen this coming. You haven’t been happy with me for a long time. You didn’t want to move in with me and I remember you telling people that you couldn’t see a future with me. (This hurts my feelings a lot) You didn’t like to spend time with me and didn’t make an effort where I was concerned. I even asked you why you never wanted to have sex with me and you just shrugged your shoulders. I actually can’t believe I was so stupid.
I will never forgive you for breaking my heart. However, I will Thank You. Thank you for not realizing my worth. Thank you for taking my love for granted and thank you for making me realize I deserve so much better. I deserve a man who will love me unconditionally, I deserve a man who wants to spend time with me instead of choosing others and drugs over me. I deserve a man who puts in time and effort for me. I deserve a man who will surprise me with flowers every so often, just because he wants to. I deserve a man who wants to spend time together and go away on holidays. But most of all, I deserve a man who respects me and treats me like the love of his life. Thank you for making me realize I can do so much more in life than waiting around for you to care about me. I am now starting to do the things I really want to do, So Thank you for breaking my heart and giving me a wakeup call.
As much as you hurt me and made me feel insecure and insignificant, I hope that someday, someone will come along who won’t make me feel that way. I am smart and I know that if I hold a grudge, I give you the power. I have already let you take so much from me.

So I forgive you..
All the Love
You’re Amazing Hot Ex Girlfriend

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