I am truly sorry for all the pain I have caused you. I want to give you the answers you are looking for and I am not sure how to go about explaining it where you would be able to understand it.
I would come home from the gym or when everyone went to bed I would go on to incognito go to craigslist look at the ads for personal then casual encounters. I would look through them check out the pictures and sometimes I would send a message asking what they wanted or telling them what I was looking for and it would be very rarley that I would get a reply by the time I would log off then I would go to a couple of sites like swing lifestyle or milfaholics and you could chat with 5 people a day so i would look through and asking what they were looking for give my standard im looking for dayplay line. then if the next time I went on, I would answer replys and send more emails
I did this with no feelings for them I did not get names, I did not fall for them I did it as a challenge to see if I could get them to want to talk with me. I would make up a personality of a person that was experienced in playing with couples, sex parties, orgies, fetishes, depending on the profile they had I would make myself sound like I was experienced in all kids of things.
I even told some I had hosted sex parties ( a rich area) just picked at random and had people tell me they came to my parties. parties that never happened. It was kind of a game to me to see how far I could push them to tell me things and send the naked pictures and never intending to meet them or have sex with them.
I would say I would come meet them and if they said yes to meeting I would ask where and when if it got that far I would not show up or send a text if I had a number that I had an accident or make an excuse not to be able to make it.
this was something I would do not everyday I would do this on occasion, then in the last 3-4 years I was going on 3 times a week then in the last year and especially the last 6-8 months it was daily, The local GB And cheating wives sites were all last 6 months and it was any site that I saw i would go on that was all in the last 6-8 months. I found myself going on daily and looking at different sites and signing up on all of them without ever thinking it would be a problem.
I am trying to get this out of my head and make it sensible if that at all possible
I am printing this and having the counselor read it so I can get his opinion
I am a broken Man I am trying to get help I have not been on any of the sites and will not do that again. let me know if this is any help I am trying to give you an idea of what I was doing.