Pete, let me start by saying I love you and I don’t want to lose you. I can’t say this to your face because ever since you got out of the taxi and slammed the door in my face you have stopped taking my calls or answering my emails and if I turned up where you’re staying I’m scared you wouldn’t see me. Remember when we used to fight and have crazy make-up sex and nothing was ever a big deal? I so miss those days, because everything feels like a big deal these days.
Firstly, let me make it 156% clear that I never slept with that idiot I work with. He wanted to and ok, there were times I wanted to, but I never did it. That stupid text you found sounded bad, I know, but it wasn’t what you thought. I got used to ignoring his texts and just trying to keep my shit together because I had to work with the guy and basically, he had the potential to make my work life hell and even lose me my job if it came down to it. I know that’s no excuse and I should’ve made it clear nothing was ever going to happen between us, but things were rocky with you and me and although it shames me to admit it, there were times I liked the attention from him.
Now you’re gone though, I just have NO IDEA what I was doing or what I was thinking. Not that I ever did anything – and that’s the last time I’m going to say that, she who doth protests too much and all that – but it’s the truth. I’m looking for a new job, just so you know. ANd I’ll do anything to make things right with us. I’m ready for whatever you want. If you want to make that move to Melbourne that you’ve been talking about forever, I’ll go. I’ll pack our stuff up tomorrow if you want.
The scary thing is, I don’t think you’re going ot want to go anywhere with me. I’m terrified that the only packing up we’re going to do is to split our stuff and move to separate houses and if that happens I truly don’t know where I’m going to put myself or how I’m going to cope. I just hope there’s some part of you that still loves me and is willing to listen when you’re ready and that we can navigate this blip and move past it. Please please please let that be the case because I can’t live without you Pete. It’s a cliche but in my case it happens to be true. Waiting and hoping, Your K. X