Dear “you know who you are”

I don’t even know why I’m writing this… maybe because even after 4 years separated, you still have a hold on my heart. But you broke it, so so badly… you hurt it so so bad. And at best, you just never knew, even with the fighting, the arguing, you just never took account for your actions, your time and the lies.

We have 2 full on but amazing boys together, who are our world. And whilst we share care, we have somehow still managed to bring them up fairly well, with limited upheaval. For that I am grateful and at best, it has shown me you have been able to put someone else first.

Six months ago, I moved on, after nearly years by myself, and whilst I love this new man, and love that someone is able to see me, and know the background I come from, you still make it your point to show me or throw me off foot by telling me you love me, even though you have been with your on and off girlfriend for over 3 yrs, and you have allowed her to be very mean and horrible to me. She has at times, treated the boys badly, and spoken badly to them yet you have done nothing. You say you still love me, then its a retraction, then you say it again.. i gyess what i wanted to say, is this. Yes… I do love you, you were my first real true love, and I love you, but you broke me, and im doing my best to work on this new and great relationship.

Someone that knows our past, knows what you did, and knows that whilst I have not used this as an excuse, is gentle with me and patient.

I think you don’t know what you want and at times, you have come unstuck by your actions, and not known what to do, and its time you decided to work out what you really want. And no… it’s not me… we had our time… and like each season that ended… but whilst I know you’re never going to read this, it feels better to say something. I hope it works out for you.

Kido