JPF,
It took years after your first betrayal, but finally I was no longer angry, the thought of you no longer made my heart hurt. I had finally moved on and I was happy.
Then you came back into my life and pretended you had changed, that you had grown up and learned from your mistakes. I allowed myself to fall again. To picture a happy life together. I told you of my desire for us to travel together. You said ‘anything you want babe’. It was a lie.
I moved my life to another state to be with you. You slowly began to change your mind about things you had promised. I realised you werent that different from the man I left years ago. It ended. Badly. And because of that I never got to tell you why I was so upset. You wouldn’t have understood anyway. You are too selfish.
And now I hate you. I hate you for breaking my heart twice. Im so angry at myself for being so stupid. But in the end I dodged a bullet. Now I know how lucky I was to realise sooner rather than later that you were not going to treat me the way I deserved to be treated.
And so I wait (patiently) for the day to come when the mention of your name brings no emotion at all. I know that day will come. Only this time if you ever come back, I will turn around and walk away.
LJL
1 Comment
-
I feel for it as well. Had my world turned upside when she moved out and left. She didn’t leave gracefully either. Still coming around and making sure I don’t go too far. Then one day I gained enough power after months of tears to finally block her out of my left. First weeks went by so slow. Crying myself to sleep and waking up with tears in my eyes once I realize this wasn’t all a bad dream. Months pass. I finally feel confident, strong and back to my normal self. Met an amazing girl whom meant a lot to me. Then. Guess who shows up as rocks my world after months of nothing. I made the worst decision I’ve ever made in my life. I met up with the ex so she could speak her mind. Well, she cried, begged, opened up and began to explain how regretful she was about everything and never meant to cause so much pain and wanted to make it all better. I looked into her eyes and saw the girl I first fell in love with all over again and I was doomed from that very moment. I ended thing with the new girl who was so right me. Every aspect of her was in line with my life, goals and passions. But I still ended it and went back to th ex who ripped my heart out and stepped on it. What a fool. First few weeks were amazing. Thing we’re going great and I began to form the happy thoughts of our future aligning again. Then she disappeared one night and I questioned what was up….. She said I just went to bed stop being crazy. Well I could tell she was drunk and it was a lie and she admitted it the next day and that’s all she told me. Must trust for her vanished. She slowly began to be that same girl who couldn’t be bothered with me. Two more weeks pass… My birthday…. She breaks up with me again and told me it was such a huge mistake coming back and that she isn’t in love with me. I lost if. Emotionally broke down worse than before. I ask her how could you cause this pain. Her exact words. “Well, if you had just ignored me before you wouldn’t be feeling all this pain again. This is your fault not mine.” I’ve come to accept we live in a world with cruel people. When I first met her she was getting out of a relationship where she walked in on her bf cheating. Right in front of her. She was broken when I met her. I did everything in my power to assist her putting herself back together. Showing her that every guy out there isn’t the same. I’m not perfect. But I would never do that. And in the end. She broke me. It’s a vicious cycle of breaking each other. When will it stop?
Leave a reply
This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.
