These were truly the thoughts in my head for the last year and I never wanted to ever say them but I think it’s time as they eat me up constantly. I need closure and you need to know how much you really hurt me. Also, I don’t want to keep coming back and visiting this chapter everytime life is crap because you no longer deserve any room in my headspace.
I want you to know first and foremost that you will never be anything more than average. You have no joy in you and you always choose to see the worst in every possible situation. You say you’re going with the current , I say you just like chasing your tail and going nowhere because it gives you permission to be depressed and miserable. It gives you some perverted sense that the world is out to get you and that feeds your megalomania. I feel sorry for you and I’m sorry that you will never be happy no matter what your life choices are because to you, your choice will always be the wrong one.
Congratulations on your marriage, I really am happy for you and I’m also happy that it isn’t me because I would hate to be chained to someone as unreliable and fickle as you. I hope you feel trapped everyday knowing that there is no way out of the commitment you made to this woman. The same woman you were banging behind my back and then went on the holiday you wanted for us. I hope this union will keep you small and insignificant while the world moves on leaving you behind. I truly with all my heart wish you get that visa you so desire.
I hope you have those children you wanted after many many tries. I hope they grow up to be JUST like you; that they follow the footsteps of their old man and grow up to be nothing more than mediocre. I hope they drain you for all you have, leaving you nothing but the empty shell of the man you once were. Or actually, more the man you thought you were in your head but know deep in your heart you were not.
I hope you achieve your career goals… Oh wait, you have none, that’s right, I forget, you just want to see where the damned current takes you. Silly me, I hope you keep your attitude up so that all the things that you fear the most will come to pass.
I hope you live a long, long life. If you were to get sick, i hope you get prostate cancer and may you get metastatic disease to your spine and suffer the greatest pain a man can ever know. even then it will not compare to the pain you have caused me. Don’t worry it won’t kill you very fast at all, something else will get you first, there’s your silver lining, i know you loved the fact that I always manage to cough up some sort of silver lining for you.
In summary, David, I wish you all the things you truly and deeply believe will happen to you. I wish that the grass will forever remain greener for you… On the other side.
Forever your friend regardless of where the road leads to,