It’s only this night when it finally started to sink in that the unrehearsed symphony has finally came to an end.
Regrets- I thought I’d never had any. But the fact that this is something serious compared to what has happened in the past, I felt sorry for myself for not being able to make the most out of everything I can do that night.
I should’ve hugged you the tightest way I could as I won’t be able to feel the warmth and comfort of your body again. It could have been a proof that I’m very much willing to be like Alice since your body is a wonderland.
I should’ve held your hands so tight and have them fit mine so I’d know whether or not we are meant to be together. Those soft hands, as if they never get tired from working, are part of the things I’d surely miss. I swear I’ll always remember that you were always there everytime I needed you. It could have been a proof to my song “sampung mga daliri, nawala ang lima. Hinanap ko, hinanap ko, hawak mo pala.”
I should’ve kissed you as I know I won’t be able to get a hold of those lips for the rest of my life. And each time I’d remember those times when we kissed, I’d bite my lips and smile. It could have been a proof that two heads are better than one. I wonder what’s going to happen when my lips get chapped everytime it longed for the touch of yours.
I should’ve whispered to your ear first and let everybody know how much I love you. You know that everytime I tell you those words, they’re for good. Those words might be overdue, but I swore to myself I won’t get tired of not only letting you feel but also letting you know that I love you every second, every minute of everyday because I know you should always be informed of it. It could have been a proof to me saying “noong minahal kita, para akong nagtitinda ng taho. Ipinagsisigawan ko pa din na mahal na mahal kita kahit masakit na.”
I should’ve apologized for the times I’ve been possessive. Gusto lang kitang ipagdamot kasi ayaw ko ng may iba pang manakit sayo. Gusto kong sabihin na sana ako na lang yung minahal mo para hindi ka na masaktan. Kaso naisip ko, kaibigan lang pala ako.
I should’ve thanked you for everything you’ve given me. Yung mga simpleng pagaayos mo ng plate at ng kakainan ko ang laking bagay na nun. Yung mga pagpapaalala na kailangan ko ng matulog, yung mga panahon na pumupunta ka pag gusto kitang makita. Yun pa lang, naramdaman ko nang wala nakong ibang mahihiling pa.
I know I should not demand for anything as I don’t have the right to, but the fact that you’ve reached this part of the letter, ang laking bagay na din for me to let you know how thankful I am that you were part of my life- huge part, actually.
It’s always hard to say goodbye when you know it’s gonna take a while before you see each other again. But you know what’s the hardest of it all? It’s when I get to see you again with someone else who fits and goes along with you perfectly- the guy who had his symphony perfectly tuned and rehearsed when he has offered you his life and love.
Because this is an unrehearsed symphony, I don’t know what’s the best way to end this. Not because I wasn’t prepared, but because I was hoping we could finish it together and keep it as part of our lives as we get older.
“Hindi naman kasi talaga kailangan ng tao ng dahilan para magmahal. Nagmamahal tayo kasi mahal lang talaga natin sila.” Love may not be a reason that’s enough for us to continue what has been started. But this love, this very special kind of love will always be the reason why I chose to fall in love again. After all, I just made a choice.