I Didn’t See It But Now It’s So Clear

I Didn’t See It But Now It’s So Clear

I Didn’t See It But Now It’s So Clear

I don’t know if I was in denial or just ignorant of the signs or most likely a little of both. You came over to my house completely wasted at least 2 times. You couldn’t keep your hands off me the last time and it kind of scared me. I’m not sure you even know it, but I do now. You’re an alcoholic.

You said you liked to have a couple of beers after work, but once you drank so much that you couldn’t remember our argument the next day. Sometimes you’d slur your words on the phone, especially when we argued.

But when we were together everything was perfect. And when we were together you never drank for some reason. I don’t have anything against drinking. Four months together and I never saw alcohol touch your lips and I never knew why you wouldn’t have a beer.

You broke up with me so suddenly. And so straight-forwardly that my heart broke into tiny pieces. You said we just didn’t have much in common. Yeah, like your drinking.

What hurts me most is thinking of what you’re doing now. Are you fine? Was breaking up with me just another part of your day, like talking to your mom or watching the football game? Or are you on some sort of a binge, drunk all the time and putting yourself in danger? Do you miss me? But you missed alcohol more? I don’t understand this. But it especially pains me to miss you knowing that we can never be together now. I can’t have an addict in my life. It breaks my heart to say that.

Before I realized you had a drinking problem, I thought that maybe you’d come crawling back and I’d stupidly accept. But now I realize that’s not an option. It really is over.

I’ve already been back on dating websites and there are some great-looking guys, both inside and out. But I still just want you. And I can never have you. Because alcohol has you. And that’s a fight I won’t do. I sincerely hope you get the help you need. I want you to find peace one day. I want you to find your peace. I feel confident I’ll find mine.

1 Comment

  1. Letter To My Ex 5 years ago

    I know it bloody hurts but you’re doing the right thing Tiffany. Sounds like his first love is booze and that’s a competition you can’t win – unless he acknowledges he has a problem and gets help. He may be years (or never) from doing that.
    They say alcoholism is a progressive disease so it’s only downhill from here.
    Wishing you all the best getting through this and to a happier place.

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