To my ex GF E.K.C
I fell for you so hard, did anything and everything I could to save us but ended up hitting the ground even harder. I bought a plain ticket to France just to see you when I was almost broke. When I sold my amp when I finally was broke just so I could afford dinner and a bus ticket to see you when I was saving for school. When I left that day you called me to break up after 3.5 years of devoted love. When you couldn’t tell me why you didn’t love me anymore and I believed you, but that wasn’t true.
We waited a whole year being friends after, trying to fight our feelings and we ended up making amazing love after months of denying the healing touch and quashing my bursting soul out of fear of losing you in totality. I waited a year, it was torture, waiting for you to say the words you did. “I love you.” How you missed me and how my absence and love left your world empty, parts missing. My hopes raised once more, I caught you two days later in intimate And unabashed, unprotected sex with a random. I saw outside your window, knocked and saw your face drop and tears well, eventually you yelled go away and shut the curtain on me as I stood out in the cold, snow falling on my hot skin. I nearly ended my life that evening.
But here I am, alive and well, knowing my heart is cleaned, my soul and conscience unabated by the callous acts , giving into your fear and confusion. I loved you and simply don’t anymore. At least I can give you a reason why, but here I post in anonymity, sparing you the guilt and harshness of the realities I struggled with for a time. You said believing wasn’t enough, that you had to know, and I now know you weren’t the one. The volatility and poison is leaving my system and hope warms the place you once occupied inside.