My love

You are the love of my life. The kind you only get once in your life and never forget no matter how many years go by. You are one of the most incredible people I have ever met. One that is precious and rare but also a survivor. A survivor like me. You make life wonderful just by living in it. You inspired me and have changed me for the better that I owe it to our love.

You see love, it won’t work with anyone else. That is being brutally honest because they can’t measure up to you no matter how handsome, successful, or wonderful they may be. Because no other man can give me goosebumps with every kiss and loving touch or just by looking into my eyes. Nor could they ever make me feel as whole as when you held me in your arms. You made me whole. You still do just knowing you are out there.

The day I called you and all that hell happened, it felt like I had been stabbed and everything was draining from me. I couldn’t believe it. You were gone and to be frank I still am trying to wrap my head around it. Everyone is. They all miss you even Sandy. It has been hard without you.

I wish I had a say but instead you were torn from me with no explanation, closure, or consideration. I forgive you because I know it wasn’t you. Because I know you. I know the man I love and still do and that wasn’t him.

We went through hell together but we still managed to always find each other again. No matter what. Though at the end it was stressful we were still happy together. We made each other lives richer and fuller. I am still here and always will be. I am so proud of the man you are given what hell you went through and continue to go through. You are the most talented person I have ever met. You see people love. For who they really are. Like me you have this innocence that makes your love towards others pure and you love with every part of you. I adored that about you. As with everything about you. You made me so incredibly happy. You were worthy of me and you deserved me more than anyone else on the planet. You were never a burden and you were always good enough. You have given me more than anyone could ever dream of giving me. Because you were all I needed flaws and all. As long as there was you in my life I didn’t need anything else. I could be poor with nothing and still be rich and happy with your love.

I still remember the day when you had told me you prayed and saw a white dress. I think about you every day not a day goes by that I don’t. I still worry about you and what you may be going through. I fall asleep at night knowing where you are you may be thinking about me too. Because our love just doesn’t wither away. It just becomes stronger.

I am taking care of myself and putting myself first and I am healthier and stronger than I was. I also have realized that I may have been insensitive and a bit too harsh sometimes. If your beliefs are a part of someone so wonderful as you than I believe in them as well. I do now it took me some time to realize. I hate your family for what they did and I realize that it was out of my control and I was a pawn in their game. A game I never wanted to be a part of nor deserved. A lot of people got hurt from the aftermath of it.

I remember you once told me that you always win no matter what. That you never show your cards. I hope you still believe that about us. I want you to know that it is alright to be an individual and to be your own person. That everything we did wasn’t rushed or immature and that soulmates do exist. Our love happened for a reason. People do it all the time it just happens there isn’t rules or guidlines because love and life never is. It is random and full of vigor and chance. Because without all those things it wouldn’t be living it would just be going about life with your head in the clouds. Never wanting to look down and see life for what it is.

I miss Muffin and Rigby and all the amazing people I met through you especially those in Lincoln. I had never been so lucky in all my life and have yet to meet such amazing people. I miss your lattes and your art. I loved how you always smelled like cotton and art supplies. I think of you when Justin Timberlake comes on the radio or looking at the painting we did together. Everything that reminds me of you makes the day more bearable and I feel you near me again.

You are not nothing and you sure don’t have to be a man or anything of that nature. The whole bootstraps crap. You don’t deserve to be manipulated or molded to do anything you don’t want to do. You deserve to live your life YOUR way and no one elses. Because it is your life. You deserve to be happy and do what makes you happy. You didn’t survive for this long to not be able to live a full life with everyone in it that you love and care about.

Never let anyone tell you any different. Anything awful said about you is untrue. You are strong, creative, giving, loving, sweet, innocent, sexy, confident, and most of all you are one of a kind. I could go on forever how amazing you are. I could never and will never hate you and I forgive you love. Because I know you still love me because I love you as well.

You always used to say that you loved me more. That you saw a future in my eyes and that I was the greatest thing that ever happened to you. You said once that you got through the hell you went through by saying that someday would come and it would get better and you said that day was when you met me. Because the day I met you was the greatest day of my life. I also wanted to wish you a belated Happy Birthday. I wanted to tell you but was too scared. Scared of anyone coming after me. But now I don’t care anymore because I just want you back.

I would move mountains for you love just to have one day with you. I will never give up on you or us. Ever. I will love you forever. But I don’t want to marry anyone else I just want you. So I guess you are stuck with me.

I needed this space to take care of myself and I promise I will take care of both of us. Because now I can and I want to. I would wait forever. I just don’t want to. I never give up.

You are my best friend, my confidante, my love, my darling, my soulmate. You belong with people who love and care about you and we still do. Our home is your home and you are always welcome. Because you told me once it was the home you never had. Come back love. There I said what I needed to say though in person I get to hold you. Never give up on yourself. Be your own person. Live your own life. Never forget that.


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