Dear Ben,

It has been a little over a week since you broke my heart. Our time spent together was the most serious and longest relationship that we have both ever had. A year and a half is a long time. We had some good times, some bad times, some hard times, and some not so pretty times but I would never trade them for someone else.

You came to me and told me you needed a break. I could never understand why and still really don’t. You tell me you needed to do this for you. You were tired of the bickering and fighting over stupid things. Guess what…so was/am I but I know that if you had given it a chance it wouldn’t continue to happen.

We talked about some things and you told me and promised me you would give it a chance and would see how the next few days went before I left to go home for the summer. Well you didn’t. You said you did but I know you didn’t. You saw me 1 of 3 days you promised to see me. Even on the day we did see each other we didn’t do anything. You never gave it a chance to see how things would work out and go back to normal.

Instead you let me tell you one last final goodbye on May 1st as I was leaving to go home for the summer. Tears rolling down my face, struggling to get words out because I was so upset, not eating as much because I physically couldn’t without wanting to get sick, all of these things for you to not show a single ounce of emotion. Instead you sat there and watched me so upset and didn’t say or do anything. You urged me to leave because you were embarrassed. Well that sucks but you would be a fool if you thought I wasn’t going to be upset.

I invested my whole self into you and trusted you to not take advantage of it and break it. You did. My trust was shot down and stomped on once again. These are the things I told you I am and was so scared of. You promised to never hurt me or leave me. You did.

I know the last couple months things have been up and down for us. I knew thinking more and more about it that it was something we could fix and would only bring us out stronger. You told me you have given it chances. You haven’t given it the chance that it needs. You decided to throw this out the window and act like it never happened and decided to move on.

As I was saying one last final goodbye with you on Thursday, I told you that my biggest fear was seeing you with someone else or you completely ignoring me and not talking to me. You told me you didn’t want to talk a lot throughout the summer while I am gone and we definitely wouldn’t be seeing each other.

I have never been so heartbroken in my entire life. I feel useless and worthless, I don’t feel loved. I have lost one of the biggest and most important pieces of my life.

I keep waiting to see your name pop up on my phone to talk to me and it never does. It is so hard to not talk to you and tell you all about my day and the things that are going on in my life. You don’t care anymore. I just wish you would come back to me and talk to me. Make things right with me and realize you lost something that you didn’t want to loose. I want you to miss me more than you ever have before.

I hope that whatever you are doing is making you happy. I hope you not having the burden of me anymore is more relaxing for you. I just hope you don’t forget about me and what we had.