I guess I never saw it coming. I never saw the day when you wouldn’t want to try anymore. I was cold and distant towards you, and I’m sorry for that. I say things that I don’t mean. You were the first girl I ever loved, who knows if I can ever love again – with all the pain this has brought me I don’t see it happening. You are so quick to forget about me and just move on with your new job and new friends, even going on dates with other guys. What can I do? I wanted to be the perfect guy for you, because I loved you so much. I wasn’t good enough though. I wasn’t ambitious, career oriented, or anything that you wanted. I loved you though, and I did everything for you. I drove you to your EMT classes; I made appointments for your EMT tests when you were about to just give up. I did everything to try and help you succeed. You have no idea what it’s like to try so much and still get knocked down.
I don’t know what you’re hoping to find. You say you don’t want another boyfriend yet you’re already looking for hookups? That hurt, really badly. You say your life is so much better without me, and that I held you back. I wish your life wasn’t better without me. That’s horrible, I know, but it hurts to know that you’re already better off without me. I hope one day I can be happy for you.
We were both each other’s first love, and I know to everyone else it might seem silly to think that it would last, but I guess I was just so smitten I didn’t care. I’m sorry for the hurtful things that I said last time we talked, none of them were true. I haven’t found anyone else, and I’m not sure if I ever will.
Once upon a time we fell in love, or at least that’s what you said. You say I’ll find someone else but I just wish I was dead.