Dear Seiji,
Remember the first time we met each other?.. It was June of 2005… I never thought na ikaw ang magiging first love ko.. Nasa 3rd year hs palang tayo ng h.s nun… I loved you sa isang napakaselfish na paraan… Dec. 2, 2006 nagmigrate kayo papuntang California.. Akala ko tapos na.. Akala ko wala na.. Pero bakit parang kabaligtaran ang nangyari?.. Bakit mas lalong lumalim yung love ko para sayo?.. Bakit kahit wala ka na dito sa pinas hindi ko magawang tumingin sa iba.. Bakit sa bawat ginagawa iniisip ko kung pano makakabawi sayo.. I’ve been so guilty.. I wanted to torture myself .. You’ve been so nice to me.. I couldn’t face the fact na nasaktan kita.. Na sinaktan kita from my lies..

I couldn’t explain how I hate myself kapag naiisip ko ang nakaraan.. Akala ko ok na.. Akala ko I can face you kapag nagpunta ako ng america.. I’m wrong.. The whole plan was ruined dahil sa isang pangyayari na di ko ma sinabi sayo.. I tried to but You don’t need another excuse.. I’m scared that you might not believe me though it’s the truth.. I tried everything that i can within my power to tell you but it seems that the whole universe is against it.. And so.. I gave up the fight.. Do you know that I had a dream about you??. I was running away from you while you keep on chasing after me.. Then all of a sudden mahuhulog sa kakahabol and when i saw that.. Bumalik ako para tulungan ka.. Then you looked into my eyes while saying “why do you keep on running away?”… After 5 months mula sa huli nating conversation.. Nagmsg ka sakin.. I couldn’t contain how angry I was sa sarili ko.. I hate myself for being like this.. I don’t know what to reply..

So.. I composed a letter.. “Hi .. Ngayon ko lang napansin yung msg mo sa skype.. Sorry.. Anyway.. I’m not mad..how many times do I have to tell you na never ako magagalit sayo plus kung dapat may magalit satin ikaw yun.. It’s hard to explain pero.. I did everything that I can already.. But I guess it’s too late.. Let’s just say that finally i’m giving up. Not because I don’t love you anymore.. You may not know this but i’m dying to talk to you.. To see you.. But let’s just face it.. It will never work out.. And this my friend is the harsh reality.. It’s never meant to be from the very beginning.. Ako lang ang nagpumilit.. Ako lang.. Nice profile pic. Girlfriend?, I’m happy for you if that’s the case. Please take care of yourself and if you can, please avoid smoking cigarette. If you drink alcohol, keep it moderate. l know that you can get through the day w/o sleep (or little sleep) but you need at least 6-8 hrs a day of sleep. go on a vacation and relax naman paminsan minsan.

It really took quite some time for me to realise that I should have given up from the very beginning. Nothing will change kahit magkita pa tayo. I’m such a fool to think na mababago ko yung nagawa ko if napakita ko sayo na nagpunta ako sa U.S para sayo.. I’m so sorry kung masyado ko pinipilit sarili ko sayo. Dapat naging kuntento na lang ako nung napatawad mo na ako.. Alam ko naman na you really don’t love me.. And that you will never open up with me anymore.. But I’m still happy everytime na kinakausap mo ako.. Please allow me to say this.. for the very last time.. I love you.. I love you 9 years ago and I still love you 9 years later.. you are a part of me, you have a space in my heart that no one else could ever replace.. Ang selfish ko kasi I didn’t have the courage to say this as soon as marealise ko lahat ng to..So please be happy and healthy.. P.S. I didn’t forget about your bday.Nasa sf parin ang gift ko. ” ….. I guess this is really is it… I have to do this… And i really hope that you will be happy with someone else.. Someone whom you trust with all your heart.. I hope and I pray that you will find that someone sooner or later.. I know you will.. Sayonara

– Midori