M2, it’s time.
It’s time to give you my last goodbye.
A part of me wishes that I could tell you, straight to your face that this is it- I actually managed to survive, and even better, make a wonderful life for myself, after you left me shattered and heartbroken with nowhere to go and nowhere to run.
But that would defeat the purpose of this letter; to tell you that I’ve moved on, and all the other things I never got around to tell you while you were in my life.
I loved you, so deeply, I haven’t loved anyone like that. You were my obsession, my hero, my light in the dark, my f-king everything. I adored you and sometimes, even worshiped you.
I did what I thought was right to do, when you’re in love- I gave you my entire life, my heart, promises of loving you until the end.
And when you dumped me, after cutting me off from everyone else- my friends, my education, my family (you were so persuasive to make me feel like nothing i accomplished or created were enough, yet you constantly false incouraged me to stay in school and talk to my relatives..), I was so heartbroken, I wanted to die.
The depression I suffered from our break was so, how do I even describe it.. It was so very dark. I had lost my future, I thought. I failed school. I had no friends left. My relatives no longer cared to contact me. I lived in a city where I knew no one.
I had alienated everyone in my life, because all I thought I needed was… You.
M2, it’s very late, but I need to tell you this..
I’ve dwelled on our memories long enough. I’ve gone over the memories, blaming you, blaming me, blaming us, the world, everyone. I’ve collected all the memories one last time, to let it all go.
To give myself the right to a life as someone elses partner, someone elses best friend and soon even.. Someone elses wife.
Because I found a friend, M2. A friend that you never were. A friend that listened, cared, loved me for who I am, and saw my potential even when all I could see was darkness. He loves me.
I am his first, great love. Just as you were mine.
And I’m not going to repeat your mistake. I am not going to bring him down to his knees only to execute him and rip his heart out. I’m not going to be a blunt reaper, a player, like you were. Calculating, evaluating, playing a game with emotions where you just want to win, you don’t care who you end up hurting.
M2, I’m very tired now, it’s very late and it’s time for me to go.
By writing this I hope you will stop giving me nightmares, because there are still nights when I dream about the endless depression you left me in, and it’s dreadfull.
By writing this, I hope to let you know that you didn’t break me, that I didn’t lose anything, that I am not the weak woman you made me out to be.
By writing this, I hope to let you know; You lost.
And I won.