lol

Dear B,

lol because I should hate you, but I don’t. I think about you still and Facebook stalk you on the reg. I want you to know what it’s like. I wish you knew who I was now. Mostly because I know I have become so much better without you. I realized that I was infatuated with you. Yes, I loved you, but I think I was somehow more obsessed with you.

It’s funny because now that I’m in college, I see how much you needed me. I was your crutch who reminded you of home and that you would always be okay. At first, I was upset and angry because I didn’t have you to be my crutch. But baby, I know I don’t need you as a crutch anymore. I am learning to love my whole self without you there to be the other half. I will never know if that’s why you kept me around..just to hold your hand and keep you company on breaks at home. Quite honestly, I just don’t care. I couldn’t care less because I’m nothing like that girl that held your hand.

I have found people who have brought out the best in me which is something you never did, I realize. The only thing that sucks is that I wanted it so badly to be you. But it can’t be. Because you tell people the shit you’ve been through and they hold you accountable. They know what you’ve done and would kill me if I turned back. Not that I ever would.

Hey here’s something awesome: I figured out all of this without having sex with someone else to intentionally hurt you. Isn’t that a novel concept, babe? I thought so too.

I won’t pretend to wish you well because I don’t. Only a certain kind of person could fuck with another like you did to me. And you deserve as much bad luck as those chain emails can bring. I want to be clear about something. I may sound bitter to you. Know that I’m not. I am strong now. That’s what you hear in my voice when you read this. It’s the strength I needed after you put me down so many times. I found it now, sweetheart.

I told you once to come back for me. Before you married anyone else, I wanted you to come find me. I would’ve stopped you then. Now, I dare you to come back for me. Come back for me if you’re prepared to see everything I’ve become. and you know what I’ll do? I will literally lol because you think you can do this to me just one last time. Don’t worry I will give you a tour of the house first and introduce you to him.

I haven’t met him yet. That’s the real beauty of this letter. I have finally figured out that there is someone else. It’s not you! Thank God I grew up a little and realized that one, right? He will be there to walk with me. Two whole people sharing their lives together. None of the “you’re my other half” bullshit. We will have that marriage that people envy because we aren’t just content. We will find adventure in each other.

I must admit, I miss you. But it fades with time. At least you got that going for ya, hun.

adios,

B

1 Comment

  1. T 3 years ago

    hold on to this feeling B. you can do it

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