me, myself, and my 5 beautiful kids

me, myself, and my 5 beautiful kids

me, myself, and my 5 beautiful kids

I went from married mother to single mother in a week. Embarrassed, abused, and heartbroken. So much pain with every memory that I couldn’t forget. How we met, when we fell in love, our first house, our children. Good times that I tried to hold onto, a mask to cover up the bad. The first time you hit me, the many times you cheated, the time you gave me an std pregnant with your son, when you abandoned me, when you sent me to the er after I tried to leave.

Memories I hold within me that, memories that leave me crying uncontrollably until a hug from our son or a kiss from our daughter wakes me up. Their intelligence, happiness, and unconditional love was and is the best thing that came out of this marriage. Little miracles against terrible odds. They love me and care about me more than you ever did and because of that they no longer ask about you. Wonder where your at our when they will see you again. They see a change in life not for the bad but for the good.

No more yelling, no more fighting, no more picking mommy off the floor after you decide to accuse me of cheating after a long day taking care of them. Yes I may be struggling but I understand financial abuse plays a role in why I stayed for so long. Not realizing that my education and training would be enough for me and for them. Two jobs and an awesome family support network is all I needed to be strong enough to finally allow the recognition that I don’t need you and because me and our children are doing 10x better, I know that I never needed you.

You let me believe that I was ugly. Then I went out for my birthday and before I left in the clothes provided by my sister because your mistress destroyed the clothes I had, my children say “mommy your so pretty” I felt like the most beautiful woman in the world. Maybe not the whole world but at least in 5 worlds. As a mother I was never given the opportunity to leave and party and do whatever. My job is to be a mom 24/7 365 days a year. I tried to be a wife and I tried to stand beside you for 8 miserable years. Now I stand as the mother I was always ment to be and the person I was born to be. Back to painting, back to writing, back to designing, back to managing, back to cheerleading, back to dancing, back to me. This is who I am. A person that you will never get to know.

After we sign these papers this SAT that privilege will be reserved. Not for a another man, I don’t have time for that. But for MY children. It’s a wonder if that are anything like you. They all are artist and creative. They all love scary movies and star wars. They love music and dancing. My daughter’s make their own clothes. They love to travel. And looks? Keys just say the people in my life you know the ones you never met because you were afraid of what they might do to you, say they look like me and after not looking at your face I can see why. From the oldest to the youngest they all look alike and the only one that favors you has my Amber eyes.

Don’t worry. You can look upon my children during spring break and summer vacation. Look at the way they behave and conduct themselves. Something I pride myself in compared to some kids who have a loving mother and father in matrimony together under one roof. Just remember that you didn’t have a part in their lives. That even though we were married and living together, you missed out on their entire lives from first steps to ask their birthdays. Reflect on this and come to the same conclusion that I did. It was and will always be just me, myself, and MY FIVE BEAUTIFUL KIDS.


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