I still find myself wondering what the hell you were thinking when you told me I didn’t appreciate you. The truth was that you were the sun and the moon and the stars. Was that too much pressure for you? Is that what it was? You told me you wanted to marry me weeks before you dropped me. Which one was a lie? I am sorry I couldn’t always be smiling for you. I am so mad that you could not and would not support me when things in my life got a little difficult.
I would like to put a certain emphasis on “a little”. I had started grad school. I was stressed out. I am sorry that inconvenienced you. I wanted to spend the rest of my life making you happy. I just want to know when you were lying, because you cannot honestly believe that I didn’t appreciate you. I chose my school for you. I made every decision based on you. Every step I took I had you on my mind. And I still adore you. The person who deserted me when I absolutely needed you the most. You made a mountain out of a molehill. I wish the truth was that you cheated or fell out of love or met someone new or needed to sow some oats. Maybe then this wouldn’t feel so wrong. I think you are just scared and stubborn. I know we are both going to be okay. I hope the next time you find someone to love you can stop being so defensive. I hope you work through the hard times and fight for what you love. You did not do that for me but I understand. I was your first relationship and I hope you learned a few things.
I hope you let yourself smile when you think back on memories of us together.