If only you knew

If only you knew

If only you knew

Dearest D,

as this year draws to an end it’s hard not to remember what has been at the base of it… you.

I have been cherning and turning over in my head and heart and body for months now trying to find a way to clear, cleanse and remember our life together without me bursting into tears.

My fears, my dreams, my healing and my heart have been nourished and strengthened by being with you, from our life together from your warm hands and beautiful eyes, form you honesty, patience and openess to our life together…

It feels abit like a dream that in a minute I will wake up in our lovely home together as I will lean over and kiss your nose.

How did we get here? what happend? how did it get so bad?  all pointless questions now i suppose that if thought about will no doubt make us mad at eachother again.

I was in Reading yesterday and I felt like an alien.. walking around knowing that you would be at work and I wouldnt bump into you but part of me wanted to.. just to see you and share space and breath with you.

It has been just too difficult to not send this email.. weeks of not sleeping has brought me to the conclusion that I needed to send this to you.

I would go over the story of what happend after I left but I am sure our stories will be lost amoungst the hurt and our own personal dramas since our brake up.

I have been advised by everyone not to get in touch with you and just to leave things be and since I havnt herd from you at all I am guessing you have been told the same or have decided you dont need any closure…

I am not seeking closure… this isnt your responsibility, I am not seeking anything from you.. I ask that simply you take on my words and let them heal any spaces that were left after we split and remember all of the amazing things we achieved together. We had a remarkable relationship.. truley one that i know will never ever be replicated. We found depths within eachother that I never thought were possible and with the light naturally we found some parts of ourselves and eacother that we didnt know how to deal with.

I love you, will always love you Daryl and I want to Thank you with every cell in my body for being part of my life. In the beginning all I had in my head was the shitty bits, us driving eachother nuts, messing up our heads and causing hurts just by being in the same room but as time passing a million wonderful and sweet memories arise reminding me of our exceptional and transformative time together.

My dreams for you remain the same, be brave, live your life the way you choose in whatever shape that may be, take on board advise from only those who know your power and trust yourself, trust your heart and trust your new life….

With love always



1 Comment

  1. Alice 6 years ago

    You sound like an amazing woman, this letter broke my heart so much…
    I can tell your brave with a good soul, its going to sound stupid, but just reading this helped me with what im going through, and i wanted to thank you…
    Thank you

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