Dear…

Here I am again. Let me start by saying I’m deeply sorry for all the pain I’d cause you; for all the things that you had heard,  I know you know what I mean. I know I’ve said painful thing that hurt you so much . I cant enumerate everything. For the past 146 days that we did not talk to each other honestly it was a roller coaster  of emotions. For the first few days I felt so angry, week after I tried to be civil but i cant.

Remember those first few weeks that if mag kita tah mo tango ra ko ., i’ll just stare at you and smile with not a single word coming out of my mouth, and for the next succeeding  days weeks months . I have learned to leave my life with out you, and that was not easy, its was so hard to start a life over again with a new environment, new people, new routine,  and everything new . Its was hard adjusting.

You know whats the hardest part is it was not seeing Madam Hermie who gave me so much love, your family who treated me like one, it was hard stopping my self not to communicate with them, it was not easy not to answer Nanay calls, she asking kamusta namo ni Paul ? Ga tagad pa mo? Nagkita pa mo ? Wala na lage kay laag2x dre sa balay Dyos? I miss you Dyos. It was so hard to pretend to her that everything its fine, using all excused possible just for her to not notice that there was something wrong. IT WAS SO HARD. I’ve   It was never easy to start over again , it was not easy to go out meet new people because for almost 2 years it was just you and me. It was you who  gave me a life. It was only you who tried to understand me, It was only you who I felt important and loved.

I would like to take this opportunity to thank you for all the many good things you did to me. You gave me the reason to start my day before. You were the reason I get to smile every day before. You were that only love of my life before.

But that was before, that was before everything happened    You know, there was never a time I did not ask my self what happened? Kinsay sal.an ? ako ba o siya? Am I that taklesa that I hurt him so much ? or is he that insensitive to see that I am also hurting too?

Now, we both have our new separate lives . I can see you’re starting to live a life . I can see that you’re enjoying your second chance.That was the life that I always wanted you to have. To leave happy and no worries. What you are right now is the person that I always wanted you to be . Not for me but for you. I just cant get to stop getting jealous with the people that you are with right now because they get to see and experience the person that I’ve always wanted you to be.  :”)

I am not writing this letter for me to get back into your life and start over again. I am doing this because all we need is closure . All we need to to have our peace of mind . To say that I AM SORRY, to have forgiveness in our hearts, to heal all wounds.

I wish you all the best, continue to be happy because its a joy to see you smile. We never know may be in the future we can be friends again. But for the mean time lets enjoy our lives and cherish what we have because I can see its bringing the best of both of us. I am not saying goodbye but I will see you next time. I will keep all the good memories.

I love you so much and i always will because,

YOU ARE MY BEST FRIEND

Dyosa