I cant believe ive let someone hurt me this much. You did and told me many hurtful things in the short span we were together.  It was always the ex,  your ex,  and mine as well.

You loved your ex more than me. I know that it  happens,  but i wish you havent told me that. Actually ive felt it before you even told me.  In the short span we were together  especially at the start of the relationship, you took me for granted.  We never went out,  you said you dont love me much, you dont trust me,  and you wont fall inlove with me. And god,  that hurt a lot. I attempted to leave,  many times that i could count,  but i didnt because you said you would adjust,  and youve been hurt by the ex youve been pining for more than 2 years you were broken up.  I understood she cheated on you, that she was your first love,  that you had a child together. But it wasnt my fault,  i wish you didnt treat me that way.

But still,  i let the relationship be,  no matter how many times i cried every time we talk,  because you wouldnt even date me and was ashamed of me. I literally lived in your bedroom.  Can you imagine how that damaged my self-esteem?  No matter how many times i told you that i feel as if im only your booty call,  you just label me as crazy and overanalyzing. Youre so unfeeling and i hated you.  I broke it off countless times,  but you chased me and promised things would be different, but it didnt.  So i told myself that this would all come to pass,  that one day will come that i would care less,  that i would have enough courage to leave you someday.

And so the day passed by,  with me resenting you more than i resented anyone in my life. Annoyingly,  you started to change.  Im starting to feel you really cared. That embrace you gave me after i gave in to meeting you again was different,  it felt warm,  and your heart felt closer.  You seemed real to me,  at last. But it was too late. I decided to leave you so long ago, so i rejected whatever that was.

So i left. Finally.  You chased me selfishly,  though in tears i  had the courage not to give in anymore. You promised to change,  and you asked me out on a date, but it was really really too late.  But then you told me after a stupid question i asked,  that among all your exes,  you still loved THAT ex the most,   and if i wanted to be in par with her we should continue what we had. And you know what? That sealed the deal for me. That hurt hell knows how much.

I loved you. I really did. But this crazy roller-coaster i had with you is too much to bear.  The hurt you put me through is too much for a broken person like me,  that i wished to vanish entirely. Thay i wish i never met you. I hope i can forgive you. Please say sorry,  so atleast i can move on.