I absolutely miss you. Is it all that great without me? I want to know. Was it easy to forget me? Are you not feeling this pain? Aching heart? I know I completely am, every single day. I’m physically sick, broken, and my eyes are dying. I don’t see true happiness no more, I see a blur. My eyes are covered by a layer of pain, everything doesn’t make sense to me, I can’t see out clearly. My mind and lips are so worn out too. They are tired of pretending to be okay. I can hardly hold this smile any longer without the truth entering. My mind is so drowsy of trying to understand this, love. Okay, I’m not afraid to show you how it makes me feel. My eyes are capable of dripping my sufferings out. I’m no where near afraid. When you see me, I want you to see me for how I really am. I want you to realise my drooping heart and to what it feels like, knives stabbing inside of me. When you look at me again, will you look at me, the way you did when you first saw me? When you see me next, will your mind flash back to who we once were? When you see me, will you feel the soft touches I once gave you, and the kisses I pressed upon you? Will you remember how tight i’d hug you and keep you in my arms. When I would always remind you that you are fucking amazing and the most beautiful boy ever existing. Have you realised yet darling, that I love you, that I can’t stop, that it only gets stronger, that I want only you, that I love only you. If you will love me like you once did, I can assure you, I am never going to let you go. Sadly you are everything I want. When you come back, I want to kiss you where it hurts, if it hurts. I want to let you know that I desperately want you.
Now, I know I keep trying. I do realise I keep trying to contact you because I can’t stand to hide away from this anymore. I just need a moment, to talk to you. One on one. I just want to hold you again. It makes me sick when I remember how you once talked to me. When you would miss me. When you hated to see me cry and always brought smiles to my face. You made me giggle, I couldn’t stop enjoying myself. We could talk about anything for hours and there was never a boring moment. You were my best friend A. and now life without you, makes me feel so so empty. I miss the way you felt about me, and most of all I miss the way you couldn’t stop talking to me. At the moment I’m dying, no words between us is making me cry. But what doesn’t make me cry when it’s about ‘you’? Because I love you, I forgive you. I understand you, and I want you to be happy, I want to heal you. But if you are already healed without me, let me know.
11 Comments
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Reading this resonated with my heart so much that I couldn’t stop crying throughout. I hope everything works out for you one day J, with or without A x
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Awhh thank you! I hope so too. 🙂
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I feel for you, and I wish I could help somehow. That kind of pain is hell.
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I agree, it does feel like hell. Aw and thank you.
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This letter made me cry and I could feel the emotion. I truly hope it will work out again between you too!
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I’m happy to hear my writing has connected with people’s hearts. Thank you so much, I still hope so too.
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I so much hope ‘A’ reads this. How could it fail to move him, if he did..
I wish somebody felt as strongly about me!-
Awwh thanks so much and don’t worry, someone will. (: i am hoping to tell him everything when he comes back, because then he can hear me out 🙁
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wow this letter brought tears to my eyes because this is exactly how I’m feeling about my ex bf. A heartbreak is so very painful and it hurts even more when you remember the memories you had with that person and then you look at the way things are now sigh. You wonder how it was so easy for them to go if they said they loved you so much…how it’s easy for them to be cool as ever while you’re the one in deep pain. I can totally relate to your words and I pray that our heart eventually heals and this pain isn’t so overbearing.
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Thanks for the post. This resonates with my heart so much. I initiated to end my 2.5 relationship two weeks ago as it did not work out. Just could not stand the way he has been treating me so coldly. It is so painful. Havent really cried as I forced myself not to. But it’s really so painful. I miss him so much. I wish he could tell me why. I have blocked him from everything. Had to do so, to make myself better as I did not want him to hurt me with words again. But I really miss him very much.
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Thanks for your post. It resonates so much with me. Ended my 2.5 years of relationship two weeks ago.
Had to block him from everything, fb, whatsapp, msges, mobile calls and smses. I did not wanna read and be hurt by his words again. It still pains me like hell everyday.I must have tired him out through the incessant calls for the past 2.5 years as ours is a long distance relationship. Yet when he’s back now, he’s been treating nastily. I had no choice but to end it.
I don’t know why he’s angry. I wish to heal him too. I wish to know how he’s really doing. But I can only pray for now that he would face up and deal with his own issues with God. I’m dealing with mine too. I still love and miss him very much. I wish I could be there to go through the healing process too. If he’s smart enough, he could still call my house or email me.
Let’s go through these together. I’m praying for you too, M.
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