Research has shown there are three phrases people want and need to hear to be at peace.
I love you.
I forgive you.
Let’s eat.
Makes sense. Everyone wants to feel loved. Everyone wants to know they are forgiven for their mistakes. And, well, everyone enjoys a good meal. The placement of the three phrases is intriguing, too. As much as everyone loves a good meal, it’s hard to find one’s appetite when one is still waiting to hear that they are forgiven for hurting someone they truly love and care about.
So is it any wonder then that an individual becomes depressed, with a waning appetite when the loved ones around them forget such simplicities? Is it hard to fathom that so much heartache and tragedy is connected to these three statements? I am reminded of Matthew 18:21-35 as I consider these statements and how they, along with this biblical passage, presently relate to something with which I’ve been struggling.
A counselor recently asked me to find an answer as to why I need a conversation for closure with a certain individual. To find an answer to why I did not (and still do not) believe I’ll ever find complete closure over everything that’s happened between me and the individual without a final conversation. I’ve searched and searched, and while always coming close, I could never articulate the need I felt inside for the conversation. Until now.
Now, I know what it is I’ve been longing for, what it is I’m seeking in that conversation with the individual and why it is so important to me. I will always love the person, no matter what. And I know the individual still loves me, though not in the same way as they once did. I only wish I had appreciated the little ways this individual showed they still love and care about me while I could.
The second phrase is the what I do not know and long to hear from the individual. Turning to Matthew 18:21-35, I realize the parable is quite fitting for the situation beteen me and a particular individual. I have forgiven this person, over and over again. I’m still willing to forgive them for recent actions they’ve chosen which hurt me, and express that forgiveness so that they maintain an appetite to enjoy eating a good meal. Nothing is unforgiveable. There are hurtful actions which may be more difficult to forgive than others, but there is still no unforgiveable act, in my personal opinion. If Christ has forgiven, and continues to forgive even the most vile actions of mankind, who am I to declare that any one specific action is unforgiveable in my eyes as a human being?
I’ve forgiven the individual. I have not received forgiveness from this individual, and thus find it difficult to enjoy a good meal. I understand the possibility of the individual needing more time to forgive and express that forgiveness. Is it difficult to express a need for more time to forgive an individual for hurting you? That is where I am struggling. At the present moment, it feels as though the individual to whom I refer in this note would rather not recall all that I’ve forgiven them for and recall only the mistakes I’ve made. The mistakes from which I’ve learned and am attempting to correct, to not repeat.
How can I possibly feel at peace and make amends with this individual when they refuse to speak with me? How can I possibly say, “Let’s eat,” and truly enjoy a meal when I know someone I truly love and still deeply care about is hurting over something I did?