Hey G’day

I have just spent three hours writing this letter to you. What a flippin waste of time. Two versions have been accidentally deleted and now I look at the time, and quite frankly I have wasted a whole night pouring out emotions that should have been dried up months ago.

You were the biggest twit to make me choose between having your child and having you. THE. BIGGEST. TWIT.

You were the biggest twit to then think you could come back into my life without explanation, apology or thought of reconciliation. More fool me for letting you back in again – but this letter is for you, not me. I will write myself a letter tomorrow.

You were the biggest twit to think that I would think it is ok your new girlfriend is 19. No – you do not get to tell me to ‘get over it’. I think it is wrong and disgusting that she was in HIGHSCHOOL when we got together, and I have every right to tell you how I feel. YUCK YUCKY KUCKA

You are the biggest twit to think we can still be friends. None of my friends talk like 19 year olds. Not even the 19 years olds. Yolo only applies if you are 19. Not 36.

You will be the biggest twit when you realise I was THE best thing that ever happened to you. Me and your cool awesome child, that is.

You will feel like the biggest twit when you finally catch up with us and realise how awesome, successful and totally very happy we are. You will be kicking yourself big time for giving me and my belly the boot.

Bah – wasted too much time on this stupid letter already.

Seeya later twit!