Dear Elias,

I miss you.

It’s been over a month and I’m still not over you. They say it takes half the time you were together to get over your ex. Looks like I still have many months to go. Great. Maybe I’m pathetic, maybe I deserve this. Whether or not I do, it SUCKS. Each new day brings a new level of pain upon me. As I walk around, I am flooded with images that bring back memories of our time together. As these memories play in my head, my breath is swept away and I have no choice but to sit down and wipe away the tears.

I sit and think about where you are in the world; what you’re doing, who you’re with, and if you’re thinking about me. Not knowing if you miss me the way I miss you is an unbearable sensation. I am happier when you are not passing through my head. I am happy when enjoying my oblivion. I am happy when enjoying my independence and my womanhood. I am happy when surrounded by my friends. I am happy meeting new people and knowing that life will go on and that I will find love again someday. But Elias, I am not happy when I think of you. You used to be a thought that would send my heart into a whirlwind of joy. But now, you bring my mind sadness, anger and hopelessness.

I often wish that I could forget the past year. I wish I could suddenly contract amnesia and forget your face, your soul and our memories together. I wish I could forget the countless times we made love and whispered the words “I love you” into one another’s ears. I wish more than anything that I could forget the words you wrote that were intended to hurt me further.

I lie awake at night and miss you. I lie awake wishing more than anything that I could talk to you or see you just one more time. How foolish was I not to make this happen while I had the chance? I live with regrets now, and I hope one day I will learn from my mistakes.

I truly wish we did not part ways in anger, and that we could still have the ability to talk. I wish you did not hate me. I wish you still loved me. I loved you deeply, Elias. Please know there was never a day that I didn’t.

Hope you’re well,

Liv