To You,
I owe you an apology. I didn’t know what I was doing with us, and I mean that in a few different contexts. I won’t be so quick to say I have it all figured out, but I will say that it works for now.
I had the wrong idea about relationships, and I think I ended up using them as a means of validation. Seeing that made me consider my motivations behind interactions with others. I don’t want to repeat that mistake. I’m more careful to watch what I say and how I say it, and to follow up on any kind of promise. Things withered through my waiting.
I played a victim of sorts – the perpetual victim to be. Instead of letting things play out as they would and dealing with issues on the fly, I stagnated at the most blissful point and tried to freeze things so they’d never change while prognosticating the whole thing’s eventual collapse. I credit you with my figuring that out. I think you found a way to put similar ugly behavior in my focus – eventually it dawned on me that I was doing the same thing as people I didn’t like. It helped to raise my personal behavioral standards, and hold myself more personally responsible in many different aspects of life. Along with understanding my motivations for doing different things, that contributed most to help shape my current state of mind.
I’m much happier with the state of my life now that I’m back on my feet and doing what I need to – with a much clearer head as well. My “place in the race” isn’t the crippling obsession it was when you knew me.
I still think of you a good portion of the time, and have been dreaming about you a lot the last few months. Again, I owe you an apology. For all the dumb shit I said and did, and to say that you were right. I’m not upset anymore. I was dumb, and that was fucked up, but I learned for once. I dunno – I’m at peace with things; I hope you are too.
I would think you’re indifferent at best, livid at worst, and i can accept either or anything in between. I mostly just wanted to say you were right, and let you know I learned from my mistakes.
10 Comments
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You should tell this person what you wrote here.
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I really wish this was a letter from my ex to me, but his name doesn’t start with a D. *shrug* Oh well.
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We have an agreement not to speak with one another, so I won’t contact them directly.
Should they visit the site, it’s for Ciarra.-
Is there a way for you to indirectly let her know there’s a letter for her on here? Like, maybe telling a friend to tell her to check out Letter to my Ex? I think it would be worth a try.
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You absolutely should tell them this.
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I agree with everyone in the comments. You should definitely send this letter to the person it was meant for. Even if they don’t end up responding back to it, or they don’t have the best response back, just know that at least you’re getting better. That’s what should count.
A lot of your letter reminds me of everything that I talked about with my ex before I broke up with him. I told him before I left that I hoped he would realize that he was only person hurting himself living life the way he was living it, and know that he was the only person who could turn things around for the better and fix himself.
It’s been lots of months later, and while I didn’t get the full closure conversation that I had hoped to with him, I don’t regret the letters I sent him after I had broken up with him asking him to get better for the sake of his own future happiness. I haven’t talked to him since, and I’ve found closure and peace on my own even though he had hurt me badly.
Personally, I think that an apology is never too late. It might be too early to send it right away if the breakup was recent, but if you give it a few months later or so, I think your ex might be more receptive of it.
Best of luck, and it’s great you’re getting better for you.
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So long ago now. Yet the memories of us, You, I, then are ones that I still see clearly. The apology you seek, I genuinely gave time after time yet never did the thought occur to you Anon, how much I was hurt beyond any woman ever has said or done/didn’t do & continued to be a victim when sadly it was the opposite. Thank you for teaching me what I believed only happened in the movies. I was sheltered I admit. By wonderful family & friends. My eyes opened like never before & I’ve never been the same since. After saying such negative feelings I wouldn’t change a thing for I enjoyed what we had when actually together. Then learning what I did….that is the past & like always I wanted the best for you & to find the happiness within your soul. Take care.
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Anon – We have no mutual friends (that I’m aware of anyway). I have nothing to do with her in any sense. Things are what they are. I could tell her myself, but it would be a nuisance if anything.
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Okay.
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I mean all I know is I was the girl in your letter, figuratively speaking of course, and I would have loved to get a letter like this from my ex. It would have provided me with a sense of peace and closure with the relationship.
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