I don’t what category to label this under because It fits into a lot of them. Here is goes.
Dear hummus,
We dated for three years. We have been broken up for five months. I loved you to the end of the Earth; and I don’t want to admit this, but I still love you. I did everything I could.
You were so self absorbed in yourself I couldn’t talk to you. I don’t have closure of why you changed. Why you decided that it was okay to treat me this way.
It’s been burning me since we broke up what was my problem that made you treat me the way you did for the last year. Even after me being in the hospital you still worried about yourself.
I really wanted to marry you someday. I miss you everyday, you were my best friend. Now, we are strangers with memories.
I see you at the university and I want to talk to you but scared you won’t talk to me.
I think about you everyday. Unfortunately my new boyfriend won’t let us have contact. He is everything you are not, and I’m having trouble giving my full self and heart because of what you did to my self esteem and self
Worth.
I want to thank you for post traumatic stress disorder, anxiety and depression that has come since you started treating me like shit.
Why wasn’t I good enough?
Why was I “not attractive anymore”?
Why wasn’t I the one for you anymore?
What did I do?
1 Comment
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You are enough, even if you don’t see it right now. I remember asking myself those same questions that you’re asking, 6 months ago when I broke up with my now ex boyfriend. I wished for the longest time that I got the closure from him that I deserved, but I never did. Eventually, I found closure and peace on my own, even though it took the longest time. The secret to that was letting go. Letting go doesn’t necessarily mean to stop loving someone, but to accept that sometimes things don’t happen in life the way that you had hoped they would turn out.
And you have to keep on living life to the fullest and learn to be happy, even if it’s on your own. I remember shredding old pictures, old love letters, deleting photos on social media and blocking him, deleting his number, e-mail address, and anyone who was connected to him. I talked to my friends about all of my feelings, and they gave me good advice and were there for me.
And on days when it seemed like everything was going wrong, and I wanted to contact him…I reminded myself I needed to move on, stay strong, and instead, I decided to write a journal entry of a letter on my computer to him expressing my feelings which I would never send to him. And that helped a lot. It got out all of the emotions, questions, and everything else that I wanted to talk about. I wrote goals, listed things that made me happy, and wrote about what I was doing on a day-to-day basis. It helped me so much to start the process of moving on. Eventually, when I felt better, I realized I didn’t need to keep up the daily journal entries anymore, and I deleted the past ones.
One of my best friends said one thing that will always stick with me, “Remember who you were before you met him. Remember the hobbies and things you used to love to do that made you happy. Be that person again, and do those things again.”
Hopefully one day you’ll be able to see the beauty and strength in yourself, even if it doesn’t feel that way right now. The most important lesson I learned was to not search for acceptance in love from someone else to validate who you are. Learn to love yourself as you are, even if you seem imperfect, because that’s beautiful. And when you love yourself, you’ll learn to accept the right kind of love in return.
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