I realize you have instated the no contact rule with me. I’ve been attempting to do the same with you, although you see how NOT successful I’ve been of late.

I am unbelievably sad and feel like shit. You have left a gaping hole in my life and in my heart and it is so painful. So far, time has done little to heal this wound.

I feel no differently about you than I’ve ever felt. You continue to be so important and special to me.

What drives me crazy and hurts terribly is the idea of the rest of my life without you in it. I simply can’t imagine it and don’t want to imagine it. I get teary-eyed every time I think about it. I also can’t imagine it’s what your heart wants.

I long for the email from you that says we’ll see each other again — maybe not next week or next month or in even 3 months, but that WE WILL.

I miss everything about what we have shared. From the conversation to the laughing to the kissing and hugging to the unbelievable, unmatched, unrivaled physical chemistry. Everything. I miss sharing w/ you about my work. I miss hearing about yours. I miss helping you with things. I miss you sucking my toes. I miss giving you back rubs and making you feel good in a million different ways. I miss your eyes and your smile and your hands. I miss how you looked at me in a way that stirred a place inside my soul I hadn’t known existed. The light in my eyes has dimmed dramatically in your absence. I miss all of it and all of you. I can’t imagine a life w/out you in it, and when I do, my face grows hot with tears.

And I miss the love story. The history. All the memories, not just from the last 7 years, but from long before. The letters.

I don’t want to accept you as another loss I must mourn. I don’t want to move on, get over you, or for this to be the end. I want you in my life.

“The curves of your lips re-write history.” -Oscar Wilde

Still With So Much Love…