Used yet amused. Healing and forgiving.

Used yet amused. Healing and forgiving.

Used yet amused. Healing and forgiving.

LTME postI still have the option to send you this. But you’ll realise why I haven’t when you read it. This is not something I want you to see. I want you to know I see through you, I gave you a chance, to take me as I stood. I’m bitter, but if it helps you, I hope you are a little bit happier. This is my closure, seeing as there was no effort for me to improve on anything, or take ANYTHING from the relationship.

Lil / Jess – whichever you Choose to be today

It’s clear what I was to you.

Moving house, asking for a dog, getting a new car, all for a bounce back from your ex. Trying to move on.

Your an embarrassment. The tattoo of your ex was a laugh and shows how stupid you really are. I shrugged it off and gave it a chance. I saw potential.

I get it, your depressed, you’ve got no emotion, no self esteem or any self confidence. I’m doing you a favour by telling you. Don’t think I’ve fixed you, nothing could be further, the words you believed out of my mouth, I could barely contain myself at times, they weren’t lies, they were secrets, and you didn’t even respond!

Point is, you did string me along, and not all estate agents are bad people. You’ve realised this, and shat yourself, because things were getting real. You don’t understand how genuine I am, that’s the funny part the amount of people who tell me, ‘ I’m glad I met you, I thought all estate agents were Liars’ is beyond a joke.

The f*%%ing joke, is on you. Someone’s had an influence here, you didn’t make the decision all by yourself.

I’m bitter, because my time is worth more than yours. Managing people is hard enough, so pulling a fast one on me would be easy, my attention is elsewhere on REAL issues. Peoples £500,000 issue, not the fact someone took your pen when you were 5 issue…

Telling me you have ADHD and then walking out of my kitchen for the last time? Classy. Very classy.

It would have been nice to know from day one, the jaw wiggle gave me something to think about, and the ‘weeeeeeeeeee’s’ in the car?! Pft

There’s so many things I want to tell you, but my fingers are hurting. I’ll try to carry on.

Anyway, I’ve quit my job, had a car crash, and have seen a therapist 7 times to better myself. I spoke to him briefly about you and he agrees that you have some deep issues. Little things I’ve told him, which paint a clear and vivid picture.

Telling me your happy and everything is going great, ”I like you more and more each time I see you” to two days later pulling the plug after sex ‘I’m really freaked out and am not ready for a relationship’, that really fucked me up. ‘It’s NOTHING to do with you whatsoever’ ‘it was really confusing and went on like this for ages with my ex, I don’t want that again’ Selfish, self centred and vain. I had to beg you to see me, and you would only do it on your terms, away from your parents, and hometown. I’m not insulted, I’m shocked. Self centred and obnoxious from your end again… Not an ounce of good exists in your body.

You’ve tried to strip me of my dignity, whereas you’ve only lost your own in doing so.

You’ve gained nothing off me.

Flower boy / Psycho / nutter / whatever.

It’s all the same to me. I’m real. Your a plastic little girl, I can see right through.

Good luck finding your prince. You’d be more suited to a toad.

And guess what, all this had to be done in 2015 so 2016 could be your year…

Your on the bottom of my shoe your absolutely pathetic!!!!

You know who you are. You know what you’ve done.

Yes I’m bitter, but I have my dignity, my integrity, and most importantly I still have my honesty.

The effort I made, the care and attention I showed you, to get nothing in return, not even a thank you.
The Christmas gifts, not even a thank you.
Countless money on meals and dining out, not even a thank you.
Supporting you when you needed it, not even a thank you.
Giving you the courage to approach your boss over pay. Not even a thank you.

We may be different people, but you certainly aren’t a princess. You admit I treated you like a queen, and I’m such a genuine caring guy, so what’s the problem!? I didn’t see one in you until you pulled the plug.

I’m absolutely beyond words. To think someone could have the bottle, and nerve to do something like that.

You knew from the start what you were getting into, and the fact you were moving house (if anything closer to me, going on holiday, had work. Poor excuses to break something that was budding so well. I know you got scared, I tried (back when I cared) to help you, and for you to talk to me about it.

Anyway, you know who you are, and all the effort j made for you will be doubled on the next girl, I’m just approaching a little more cautiously making sure they aren’t in it for themselves.

You are my first love. That’s what hurts the most.

I thought you were organic, natural, but you aren’t. Your too caught up in making yourself first you leave others out of the picture.

Find someone who cares as much as I did.

I may not give you the attention you craved, but you only get what you give. I got nothing from you and gave you an opportunity which you missed.

If your still reading, five months is enough to catch feelings, I fell hard. Especially when you give someone COMPLETE control.

90% forgiven 10% unquestionable pity.

Let me know if you find this. I want to see you pay for your actions but it’s against my ethic. I would never put someone down unless they did to me, hence the build up and rage you have caused me.

I need to be careful I don’t go for people like you again.

Why couldn’t you have just said from the start? You would have saved me a lot of grief. You insulate cowering piece of nothing. You’ve made me feel worthless, yet behind this barrage of hate and bitterness, I know I always am, and always will be better than you, and I’ve only just started too!

Sorry you are reading this people. I’ve been to CBT and I have lived my life through the fear of rejection to a high level. I’m overcoming it, and couldn’t give a monkeys anymore. This girl is poison, treated me like nothing, and I’ve poured my heart out for it to be trampled over.

Rejection is great, you know whilst your bettering yourself the next girl or should I say WOMAN will be caring and respecting too… Not everyone is a freelancer in it for themselves, using people is not a nice trait to have.


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