It’s weird that you’re even an ex. We were together a year. One simple, yet so un-simple, year. That year was filled with so many ups and downs, I don’t even know where to begin. I was the innocent blonde, you were the handsome little player most good girls knew to stay away from.
I remember the first picture we ever took together. It was at a football game—lame, I know—I was nervous to speak, to look, to do anything. That night, I laid in bed with eyes glued to that picture we had taken. Not sure I even caught a minute of sleep all night. I didn’t want to admit this to myself then, but I knew that night I really liked you, and couldn’t allow any other girl to have you. You had to be mine.
You’re humor and outgoing personality drew me in. You were so charming. SO. Freaking. Charming. I truly didn’t know what I was falling in love with. Time passed and I started letting things slide with you that I shouldn’t have. I just became so blinded. You would do the sweetest things. Then, I’d turn around and we’d be fighting—the problems we had never ended with a solution. Gah, I promise now that you were bipolar.
I’m going to be honest, not really sure what even happened the initial break-up day. I remember us walking and talking about something we had been fighting over … and then the next thing I knew, we just weren’t together. I was actually not too sad that day. It was just the weirdest thing. My best friend and lover for the last year and some was just … gone in a way, as cheesy as that sounds. I was almost relieved it was over that day, but then as time past, that changed.
A few months before we broke up, a “rumor” went around the whole school that you had had sex with this ginger, that you had cheated on me. You told me … you told my sister … my mom … your brother … some of you closest friends even, that it wasn’t true. I was so torn, beyond torn, but ultimately decided to believe the boy I loved, you obviously.
Flash forward again. After the break-up, we almost got back together … I mean what couple breaks up and doesn’t consider getting back together? It sucks losing each other. But anyways, we ultimately didn’t, and oh my how thankful I am we didn’t. Reason being, a couple months after the break-up, I figured out that dreaded rumor was true.
The night I figured out …. I felt … honestly it’s indescribable. I almost immediately got in the shower and sobbed. Pretty sure I stayed in there for two hours just crying my eyes out. I just wanted to collapse. It was like someone had ripped my heart out. I started to remember all of the things you had told me involving the “rumor” to get me to believe your side. So many lies. So many. I felt so stupid and so fooled.
I consistently cried the first couple weeks. Now it’s been six months, and I still cry on and off—only God knows why. Boy, I hate to say this, but you’ll always have a small piece of my heart. You were my first love, and that’s not something that just goes away.
Through you, I learned many things.
1) To not put my hope in people. People will let you down. I put so much into you, and you broke me into a million pieces.
2) In a relationship, trust is such a huge thing. If you don’t have trust, forget it, you have nothing.
3) The people that love you most will be there for you after something sucky
4) Getting over someone cheating on you, or breaking up simply takes time. No amount of cake or sappy movies will speed up the processes either.
5) Not to fall in so easy, to take my time, and be so very smart on who holds my heart
6) Lastly, (even though I’m sure there’s several more things I’ve learned), forgiveness is totally necessary. Yes, you did me beyond wrong, but everyone deserves another chance …. or that’s just what I keep telling myself. You’re honestly still being really stupid, but I believe you’ll grow up one day, and learn to forgive yourself as well.
As hard as it is for me to say this, I do wish you the best, and hope you will always remember me. Make it to the NBA for me will ya Witness?
Truly not yours anymore,