Dear ADP

I wish I could tell you all these things I’m about to write face to face so you can see the sparkle of hate love and disappointment all molded into one in my eyes!

You are not you anymore. you changed and that’s sad.

I realized this the night you asked me if it would be easier for me to get over you if you raped me. A few months ago a question like that wouldn’t even have made me frown because I would have been willing to have “meaningless” sex with you anytime you demanded it. But you see I’ve changed too!

I will no longer be the slutty booty call the disgusting version of you desires!

Your aspirations use to be so noble so pure, you wanted to be a pastor! I was already so proud of the man you wanted to become, even when you decided that that’s not the root you are going to take I was proud because I knew I fell in love with a guy whose heart was in the right place !

Now you aspire to (and I quote):”fuck bitches”

Before you get pissed off and think about a 100 reasons why this letter is bullshit please reflect on all the things you’ve done and said to me and ask yourself if the old you would have hated the badass guy you pretend to be half as much as I do.
I know I had my faults too I was no fun to be around I was depressed all the time and didn’t treat you half as well as I should have. What’s done is done and I can’t change it. This isn’t me blaming you. This isn’t me being bitter about getting dumped. This isn’t me judging you.

This is me asking you as the girl who use to call you her best friend:
Why are you acting like a sex crazed man?
Why are you getting drunk so much?
Why are you smoking weed?
Why are you cussing at women?
Why are you treating me like loving you is a sin?
Why are you treating me like shit?
How do you expect me to get over you when you kiss me and tell me you are falling in love with me all over again ?
How did you magically turn into the ex I’m ashamed off?
Honestly, I hear stories about you. stories I know you don’t want to be known for but sadly you become known for your actions!

Want to hear why the “new, happy fake” you upsets me so much?

One day when I tell whoever wants to hear about my first love I wont remember the soft touch of your hand on my cheek or the way you replied when I asked : is jy ooit lief vir my,or even the way you held me all through the night after I gave you what was meant for my husband.

I’ll be confronted with flashbacks of nasty sex begging texts and the realization that you asked for sex even after I told you that I love you too much to say no, that I’m not strong enough to say no so please don’t ask me.ill have to avoid talking about you to my children because I am ashamed of how you turned into everything you said you would never be and I still loved you with every beating of my heart. How stupid would they think me to be?

Maybe I’m wrong, maybe I never knew you maybe you were always like this? but I pray to God that I’m right and somewhere deep inside of the asshole you pretend to be is the man who loves poetry and actually cares about everything more than he should, the man who is sensitive and kind , the man who is after Gods heart and the man I use to know.

When we broke up you said you wanted to be friends and believe me I’d give anything to have my best friend back but i will give nothing for the man you are proving yourself to be!

Until you find yourself and learn to talk to me with respect LEAVE me alone! don’t text me don’t call me and when you see me on campus kindly remind yourself that i lost you (a pig with no manners) and you lost me (a girl who cared for you deeply).

Kind regards,
The girl you call a bitch.