I love you so much I hate you

I love you so much I hate you

I love you so much I hate you

LTME-postI don’t even know how to start this letter, I wanted to write it to you, but when I try to think of what to say, I feel anger. I want you back but I don’t want you to be mean to me. I want you back with the same conditions we started with that later on you changed.
I cry every time i think of you being gone, i don’t know why it hurts so damn much, i was fine before you came into my life. Now i feel like I can’t breath. I don’t plan on leaving my life for you, i never did, and i told you that from the beginning. I thought honesty was going to be valued and it will be worth it. But now i realized that me being completely honest with you is what screwed everything up. I should have lied to you, i should have played with you like i was suppose to. I should have treated you like what you were suppose to be for me.. a side thing. But i didn’t, i gave myself in fully and gave you honestly, gave you the real me, i loved you like you were the only one there was to love, i made mistakes in my current life to be with you, i failed someone else to be there with you. Now the only thing you can tell me is that i always told you we weren’t going to last. When in the back of my mind i kept saying that to you so we both know things were not going to change, that we needed to keep it the way it was going. But you changed and in the change you didn’t let me in your feelings and your thoughts.

You always talked about “the one”, the girl who got away, the girl you lost, the girls that you had wanted and looked for years, that was me right? then you find this girl who is no longer alone, and she tells you everything! honesty from day one, and you agree to still be part of her life. Where did this girl go wrong for you to just pull away like that?

I never lied to you, i never played you, i gave you everything i could, everything i had in me and maybe more.. i think i gave you so much that now that you are gone some of those parts i gave you are gone from me and it actually hurts. I know, all this sounds so stupid, i actually sound so pathetic just writing it, but that’s what i am feeling and i have to get it out somehow.

The part that really hurts too is that you know how i feel, even after you been so cold to me and telling me you have to disconnect, i came out of my pride to tell you i miss you and i need you and i love you, and you are so careless with my feelings, you answer me like i was your enemy, no compassion for what i’m feeling at all. Can’t pick up the phone and talk to me, not even when i asked you to, and i wasn’t asking for much. Stupid me, i just wanted to hear your voice, even if it was to tell me you
were done with me.

I know myself, I love you and need you so bad that this need is gong to be unbearable and i am going to continue to cry until i have no tears left for you, then anger will come in because of the pain I feel. Anger will settle in my heart for a while and i will try hard to focus on all the bad things that have ever happened between us. I will get so tired of hating you that I will just throw you into the back of my mind and just not think about you anymore,, then you will become nothing to me, I will feel nothing when i see you or hear you or even read you. Then we can try and be fake friends.

But there, i’ll cut this right here, cause in the end, you really could care less what i feel or how all this have left me. You could care less if i need you or not or if i end up hating you. If you actually read this till the end, thank you for wasting your time with me yet again.

a nobody


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