Dear David:

How can I ever explain the way I feel to you? One moment I was madly in love with you, and the next I never wanted to see you again. I feel as if I am lying on the ocean floor, with 1000 pounds of salty remorseful water pressing down on my chest. I left you, so why do I feel so lonely and confused? Should I not feel empowered, strengthened at least by my decision?

When we spoke last night, you asked what you had done and where you had gone wrong. There wasn’t any specific moment in my mind or trait about you that made us not work. I suppose our relationship was more me being selfish, and figuring out slowly through you what it was I actually wanted. Thanks to you I now know that I can’t handle anger in a relationship, even if it was non violent. Thanks to you I know how I need to date someone with a higher level of maturity. Thanks to you I know I need someone who listens more than talks. I suppose over time, gradually, I just lost feelings for you due to these traits.

So now I hope you can see how I selfish I truly am, I make it sound as though I expected you to be perfect. I wanted to believe you were the one.

There is something I wanted you to know about our relationship, my favourite parts. You were my best friend, I loved talking to you every day and waking up beside you. I liked your humour, and you attempt to do everything to your best ability (minus writing papers of course). I admired your dedication to your family and to me. I knew you would do anything for me and yet I threw it away.

The more I think about it the more I feel like I need to convince myself not to contact you and try to get back together. At these times, I think of the little things that drove me crazy about you. I don’t like it when you act like an idiot in public. I felt as though our love life had fallen apart, we hardly made love, yet when we did you couldn’t even give me your full attention. I hated when we would make big plans and you would get sick. I can’t handle dealing with your migraines. Your bad attitude got me down, you would let even one little thing ruin your entire day. Every single conversation had to be about your future and what you had decided about it that day. You constantly wanted to talk about high school and about the past, all I want to do is move forward in life and meet new people. You always got sick before seeing my family. You have been rude to my friends, and rude to me in front of your family. You got me $10 slippers for Christmas.

I feel as though once you took advantage of me.
I feel like you truly loved me and it was an accident.

So I guess maybe my reasons were more than I thought. I know I made the right decision in leaving you. I wish we could be friends, but you said that never works. I believe you, but I sure wish it would. I want to stop feeling so alone.

All else I can say is that I hope you are well, and I am so truly sorry for breaking your heart.

Yours truly,
Ray