to my sunshine,

i don’t know if you will recieve this or not but if ever you recieve this please take time to read.

how are you? i hope that you are fine not like me that experiencing everyday hell from the moment that i open my eyes until the time that i close them.

Until now i can’t believe that i lost you. I feel like someone is stabbing my heart with a knife everytime i remember that you are gone from me. Believe me when i say i want to move heaven and earth just to be with you again. But it is also clear to me that this is impossible. That we don’t feel the same.

You are disgusted of me because i am always pestering you. You dont want to be with me because i am crazy. You are ignoring me because i am insane. You hate me because i am bad. You banned me from going to your home talk to your family and so on because i am mentally ill. You are afraid of me because you have thoughts that i am capable of hurting you or your family.

i know that no matter how i explain myself it will be no use because you already made up your mind. That you don’t want me, you dont love me, You don’t need me and you regret that you have known me. You even say that you dont see your future with me.

I know that i am not normal, I admit it. No one will want to have me because as you have said i am crazy, i am insane, i am abnormal and i am mentally ill. Noone will want the kind of woman that i am.

There so many things that i want to say but i dont know how to start. But i will try anyway. i also don’t know if you will read this or not but i will write anyway.

my first sorry,
I am sorry that i always make you feel that you are a bad person and that you are not nice. Because everytime that we are having arguments i always telling bad words to make you feel bad about yourself. But the truth is you are not bad my sunshine. You are the nicest and the best guy that i’ve ever know in my life. You are always helping people when they need help. i remember you helped my neighbor lifting her grocery bags up to her apartment. I remember when you paid a childs bill when we are in a grocerie because her money was not enough to buy what she needs. I remember you doesn’t sleep because you went with me to the doctor. I remember when you give me foot and leg massage when i have pain on my legs. i remember when you say you want to prepare a bath tub for me so i can relax a bit. I remember when you want to buy a bag for me. i remember when you downloaded a game for me so i can play on your computer. i remember when you introduce me to your family. i remember when you have to put my bike out every morning. and most of all i remmeber the boquet of flowers that you gave me, i was so happy because it is the first time that i recieve flowers in my entire life. every little part of your kindness i know it and remember it and i felt all of those.. i am so thankful to you. every woman will be lucky to have you because you are nice and have a good heart. again i am sorry i make you feel that you are not.

my second sorry,
i am sorry for pestering your life, sorry for sending you thousands of messages and calling you a millions of time everyday. Sorry for asking you to give me back all the things that i have given to you. i was not nice doing those things. I am insane.. i cant think clearly. i don’t think first before i speak. i know i’ve hurted you because of those things that i said. i am really sorry.

my third sorry,
i am sorry for being so jealous. that i am always checking you phone. confronting you with the girls that you are writing with. i am sorry that i did that. i am jealous because i know that it is easy to replace me because i am not special.

my fourth sorry,
i am sorry for telling lies. i lied to you once but you still forgive me.. and i lied over and over again. i am really sorry.. and sorry for cursing you that you will not be able to be happy in your entire life

my last sorry,
i am sorry for loving you so much. that this too much love i feel for you ruined us. sorry that too much loving you destroyed us. i am sorry that this too much love i have for you stragled you to the point that you can’t breath anymore. I am really sorry… i know that i will feel sorry in my whole life.

Thank you
*for sharing your pizza with me
*for every smiles that you put on my lips because of your jokes
*for every episode that we watch together
*for always buying me something to drink
*for all the laughter that we shared with the funny clips we watched on youtube
* for teaching me how to play on your computer
*for letting me sleep in your room
*for the times that we brushed our teeth together
*for farting together with me (sounds gross but i find it sweet)
* for introducing me to your family
*for sharing me the best döner store at our place
*for taking a walk with me
* for learning with me
* for translating words for
* for all the intimate moments we shared
* for all the kisses
*for all the embraces and tight hugs..

i really miss you my sunshine, but i guess this is the time to let you go. be happy with the one you met that you said you see your future with her. i wished you to be happy.. i know that this is really love when i want you to be happy…

goodbye my sunshine
remember that i am always here for you… and when time comes that you want to come back to me i will be still here waiting for you.
I love you