There are parts of me that I lost inside of you,
the dark chasm that fails to feel.
I knew what I was getting into but you seemed so sincere, so genuine when you said you wouldn’t hurt me. I fell head first and allowed myself to be conquered by the allure of infatuation. That’s how infatuation works, so we were always meant to say goodbye. Humans can only hold on to something good for so long until they find something else that sparks their interest. And that’s what you were doing. I blame myself. I got used to you, I got attached, familiar. I made myself believe it was love and that it was real. But now I see that it was indeed infatuation and an idealistic creation of what I wanted it to be. I lost my logic while loving you honestly and wholeheartedly. And your callous persona was made to keep every part of you, away from me at least. You lied to me, you kept parts of yourself, you lead me on and you used me. Is that love to you? Is that how real love looks to you? You were never in love with me, there was always someone else. And even for the few months I tried to hold on while you were busy running around, I was still in love and you were still sneaking around, and lying. Imagine the pain I felt when I discovered that you have your mom well acquainted with the ‘friend’ you broke my heart with. I was the only one in love. So now I’m the only one left broken and in despair. I was in love with you. Every kiss, every hug, every laugh will be embedded in my brain and in my heart for eternity. I’ve never loved one as much as I loved you. Your infectious smile & laugh took over me and made me fall in love with you. I knew it wasn’t meant to last though, but you made me like it was or at least could be. Everything underneath the sun is temporary.
In conclusion, you made me happy for a while. A short while. But it was sweet, it was fun and it was great. Honestly, I hope you’re happy. The kind of happy where you lay in bed thinking if this level of joy is really possible. Because that’s how happy I was in February, that’s how happy you made me for a period of time. We don’t have the same views, we don’t laugh at the same things. I hope your connection with her is better. It was good while it lasted. Thank you for being my first girlfriend, thank you for showing me the ropes.
“Never expect someone to respect your feelings because you respected theirs. Never expect someone not to hurt you because you would never hurt them.”