There were so many things I wish I could’ve said to you, but never did because I was too scared that if I spoke my mind to you, you would leave me.
Every time you left the room after sex I was left feeling used, hurt, disgusting… But I let it happen over and over because I just wanted to please you.
When you hit me I apologized for crying, and laughed it off. You never apologized
All the girls you hit on in front of me, checked out while we were on a date, looked at when I looked away, were all so much more beautiful than me and I knew it.
You left for awhile because you needed other girls. While you were fucking them you told me to wait. To hold on, that you might need be back soon, and I did. But only for awhile.
Not long ago I decided that it was time to take my life back. I waited two months for you without a call, a text, anything, and I couldn’t sit and think about you any longer.
I will cook you dinner every night because I love to cook, and I love how excited you get when you have s home cooked meal. I will wake you with breakfast every morning just because I love you and I know you need to eat healthy before work. I will always give you a shoulder massage when you look tired, and kiss your neck while you tell me about your day. I love baking you cookies because you told me they were your favourite. I send you text messages every day telling you how amazing you are, how you’re the greatest man in the world. And all you do is send me a smiley and occasionally give me a blunt compliment.
I know that you will never have this again, and I hope you find happiness, but I know you will never find another me. I will give all of this to someone who deserves it. I will love them, and I will love myself. I will be so happy it makes everyone around me happy, and I’ll do it because I won’t be stressing over trying to improve for you.
I still love you, but I have to let go. I can no longer exist to feed your ego, I can no longer exist for you to call for a fuck. I’m going to fix myself and be furiously happy, and I owe you nothing.