To my ex, trying to date after you

Two years later and I still compare every guy to you. Every first date I compare ours. I know what you think, fuck move on! Well I have, I did the day I found out about your cheating. Unfortunately, unlike you, I have to deal with the issues you caused.

While you are happily living your fairytale with your not so new love, this is what my struggle is.

Last night I went on a first date…I’ve been on a few since we ended. Last night was different though.

We sat at a beautiful table, lite by the city lights with a beautiful view of Cape Town. The conversation was comfortable and easy and the way he focused all his attention on me gave me butterflies. It didn’t take long to have the butterflies replaced with thoughts of you. The butterflies turned into concern and caution. With every word of future ambitions and dreams I found myself pulling back. Running through my head was “you’ve done this before, don’t do it again” You know how much I’m attracted to ambition, dreams and drive, it’s what I loved about you the most and ultimately what killed us (well and your cheating) I hate that now I have to second-guess a guy because of what I love. I giggled a little inside when he told me about his online poker playing and surfing adventures, flashbacks your late nights playing poker and Sunday surfs. He loves traveling and cooking… He’s basically you but not you. I hate it! I don’t know if I like him or am I fooling myself just because Im trying to find another you? Then the fact that he reminds me of you makes me want to run for the hills and never look back.

I hate how you have changed my heart