For you

Oh how best to write a letter to you. 
It’s so tempting to leave a letter for you before i go but that would have made it worse. 

I was so happy when you said yes for those cheeky lunch drinks, followed by some cocktails by the river when things got bad i always thought back to that day. 

There were so many moments, beautiful and poetic and I know you felt it too. I still remember when you asked me to move in… I felt like the luckiest man on earth. 

I don’t know what happened putz.. all of our pain could have been avoided so long ago if only you communicated; if at any point you told me how you truly felt. Instead, you told me you wanted a home with a dog and to leave our shoebox behind. 

I have to wonder, if the world wasn’t thrown on it’s head would we have made it? Would we still be happy… were you ever happy? 

We had the home, we had each other…We got the dog in the end too… i think this where we went wrong. I had everything i was taught made people happy but I think we had different dreams.

Do you remember those nights we spent our free time dreaming of our future? The designs and schemes for our little lunch bar, every detail down to the brick. I feel like that’s but a distant memory. 

Why couldn’t you communicate until it was too late, there were so many options. 

I shouldn’t have asked you to stay that night… that night you finally opened up. I should have let you leave without a word. I honestly, to the bottom of my heart thought we could make it work as friends. I hated the idea of you being alone with no real friends. I wanted to do what i always do, support you as best i can. 

So much pain could have been avoided if I just let you leave. 

You made me think things were getting better, you started to smile at me like you use to and we actually chatted. I didn’t realise how much i missed my friend.

I don’t know why you did it. I know I have no place to feel outrage and emotion but why did you do it? With him? My friend, someone you always disliked. 
Why the hell did you call me at midnight to bring you goddamn p.j’s and to take your friend home? Who the fuck does that?! 

She didn’t need to tell me what you were doing, i already figured it out. But you had to throw it in my face and make a fool of me. And then thought you’d try to lie to me about it and treat me like a fool. And don’t worry, I know it takes two to tango.

I explained to you why it hurt, i told you everything… and you couldn’t even show any remorse. And you actually seem happy since you did it.

How can i even be anywhere near you anymore, but you don’t need to worry about it… i’m leaving on my birthday, you won’t hear from me again. 

You’ve taught me some truly powerful lessons, and even after it all… i still love you and hope you can find some genuine happiness. 

Goodbye Jamie. I wish you well.


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