First off, I don’t even want to hear your name ever again.
I have never felt so betrayed and walked all over in my entire life.
Once I found out you were cheating on me, the thing I have always feared and even projected onto those in my past relationships I realized my world wasn’t going to end. You see, living with the regret of cheating on someone is 100x worse than getting cheated on. Believe me, I’ve felt both. I’m even impressed that you could have pulled this off for so long. I don’t even care what you did with her or them for that matter. I don’t even care why you did it. I just want to know how you could have done it and look me in the eyes after. That’s how I know you’re a sociopath. You lack moral conscious and empathy.
It’s funny how when I accused you of cheating you couldn’t even put down your fucking video game controller or bother to call me back. Just a pussy ass text.
And how fucking ironic is it that he told me. Karma is a real thing my friend. It’s funny how someone I cheated on has more decency than you did to admit your mistakes. But it doesn’t matter because I am so grateful for that moment. I wouldn’t trade finding out the truth that Wednesday for the world. I got to finally know the real you without you even saying a word to me.
I opened up to you about my fear of being cheated on and how much my relationship with my father affected me. You reassured me. You told me I was the one. You told me I fixed you. And I thought since you couldn’t make me feel better about myself or support and encourage me to be a better person that you could at least not fuck someone else. I guessed incorrectly. You did the exact thing I was afraid of. And what sucks even more is that you told me I was your best friend. Maybe a best friend would cheat on their best friend, but I sure as hell know they wouldn’t lie about it to their best friends face for fucking other girls God knows how long.
The first time we dated was fucking horrible. You made me cry every other day. I stayed because I knew the accident affected you so badly. I would drop everything for you whenever you needed. You would FaceTime me constantly telling me how much you wanted to kill yourself and how much life sucks for you. You made fun of my appearance. You made me feel like shit for wanting to spend time with you. I cried all the time. But I let everything slide because you guilted me. And sadly, t you would do one nice thing for me and it gave me tunnel vision that our relationship was ok.
The second time around you played the fuck out of me and everyone who loves me. Tell me you loved me, you wanted to spend the rest of your life with me. You told me I was the best sex you ever had. You wanted me to have your kids (that’s still weird as fuck). All those words I had never been told before. I think you had never told anyone those words either, but your words became inversely related to your actions. I still don’t understand how you could drive 6 hours to see me lay in my bed telling me you “couldn’t wait to wake up next to me”.
I find it concerning that if you can treat me- a person who did everything for you, a person who put you on a pedestal, a person who you claimed to be the only person who matters in your life like I was nothing. We have known each other since we were 16. I thought some history would incline you to treat me a little better. Your cap the entire relationship was honestly impressive. You really had me and my friends and even my sisters and mom convinced. You even went as far as to make me feel crazy for accusing you of the things you were doing right behind my back. You didn’t need to try that hard if you were gonna just fuck it up. What a waste of time.
I should have known you couldn’t treat me well to my face AND behind my back. It’s just too complex for a miserable person like you. You are a narcissist that only cares about themself. I can’t wait until karma comes. By then, I will have moved on. It won’t even matter. I’ll just laugh and maybe even feel bad. But no matter what I know you’ll get what you deserve.
And come to think of it I did fix you, but not all the way like you or me thought. You were standing on me. Using me as a crutch. You were never as stable as you convinced yourself to believe. And I knew you thought you didn’t need me anymore this time around but see now that I am gone I know you are suffering. I know you’re going to fall back into your deep depression. And you for sure never got rid of your self-hatred. You see, you treated me as a direct reflection of how much you cared about yourself. I now realize this whole bullshit wasn’t any of my fault. I would feel bad for you, but you caused this. And this is how you repay me?
You will go your entire life trying to find someone who will replace me but you can’t. You can’t ever find someone who will put up with your bullshit. You will never find a girl who is pretty enough. Good enough at sex, but not a whore for your standards. Funny enough. Gives you enough space, but also gives you attention. Trusts you. Deals with your psycho anger issues. But most of all you will never find someone with a personality like me.
So while you go and fuck other girls, avoid your problems with Xanax, and even claiming you didn’t care about me to those around you (which we both know is a lie), I’ll just be focusing on fixing myself because you see despite what you say I have people there for me. You have a bunch of fake friends who you drink with and besides that, we both know that no one else likes you. Not even your sister who you forced to lie to me and fake a relationship will feel bad for you because you did this to yourself. Once again I would feel bad for you, but you did it to yourself. You fucking suck.
I have to admit that I lied. I do feel bad for you. You see, I am your first love. You are my second. I am the blueprint to every future girl who has to suffer in a relationship with you. I know you’ll never get over me. Your conscious will be filled with regret for the rest of your life as you try to replace me. It’s going to get tiring doing the impossible. Believe me, I went through the same thing, but 10x less hard.
I can’t believe I’m saying this, but writing this letter makes me realize that I am actually grateful for you. You taught me a great lesson that I don’t need to be there for someone who’s not ever there for me. I am not a free therapist that you can walk all over. You could buy me dinner and DD me, but that was surface-level love. When I was sad at the way others were treating me or something that had to do with my family you never cared. I called you crying on the bathroom floor a week ago and you couldn’t even call me back. You can no longer suck the fucking life out of me. I feel free.
I know you think I will reach out to you. You think I can never get over you. And maybe you even think you’re the best I can get. You think I will be your friend at the end of the day. You always talked about that. “If we ever break up can we still stay friends?” You think I’m not going to stay mad. I won’t stay mad and I will forgive you, only for the sake of my own mental health. But I know for a fact I will never ever give you the satisfaction of speaking to me again. We will never be friends again. This letter is a promise to that. I will never allow you to ruin my trust in anyone who comes to love me in the future. You don’t deserve that power. That is a job reserved for only my dad.
And I know you think I feel like an idiot right now, but I genuinely don’t regret a single thing. I don’t because for the most part, I did everything right. It wasn’t a two-way problem. It was a one-way issue. You were and always will be the issue. You know that too. You’re not stupid.
There is one fact I know and it is that you will never find someone. You will spend your life smoking weed going absolutely nowhere in life. You will graduate college with no real friends and we both know you won’t find a girlfriend because Chico girls might possess even fewer brain cells than you. You will spend your life alone. Most importantly you will never find someone like me. Normally I wouldn’t wish that thought on anyone, but for you, since you’re so special to me, I’ll make an exception. I mean this with all my heart. I hope you never experience true love. And if I ever find myself running into you in the future I will just laugh at you because you may have played me today, tomorrow and for however long it takes me to get over you, but you played yourself forever.
I can now write this letter knowing I am going to be ok. I am going to find someone who loves me for every part of me. Who tells me they like that I’m smart and that they love that I want to volunteer and help others. Someone who I don’t have to remind them to tell me I’m pretty. Someone who wants to do fun stuff with me. Someone who won’t cheat on me? Not that hard lol
And if you ever come by this letter which I doubt your stupid 3 brain celled brain could even fathom to think of I just want you to know I lied about you being my best sex. I fucked my ex and I didn’t tell you. Also Scotts & Romona honestly sucks as a sex song. Ok and lastly don’t think you hold enough power to ruin Lil Uzi for me. Ya right, you fucking idiot.
Have fun wallowing in set pity and regret maybe listen to Marvins Room bitch. I really hope your mom asks about me and it makes you cry.
Fuck you bye.