I remember that night we were standing in front of my eyes looking up at the stars, lost for words and as nervous as a new student. What do I say? Can I touch her? Should we go inside? As the days went by the awkwardness declined. I still remember when we kisses for the first time. So awkward yet so relieving. I remember when you first came in my house and we were getting comfortable, you’d told me you needed me and that for the rest of your life you’d fight for me, for us. I just smiled at you because none of the words could come out of my mouth. I was shocked, we were still kids in high school and you told me I was it. It was so crazy to think but deep down i knew you were the only one that i wanted to wake up to every morning. I told you even though college is coming up in a few years we’d always choose each other. I told you we were going to be straight forever. And I meant that.
College came and the unthinkable happened, the times where we called each other baby, and baby bear slowly turned into one sided. i was the one saying pet names while my name was forever just “kasey.” to you. The days where i asked for a million kisses , within five seconds of each other you got annoyed rather than laughing and thinking it was adorable. The times I always sent you selfies you no longer said “damn look at my baby” or “how did i get so lucky with this beautiful girl” you said “you look good” or “nice”. The days were ill take a little to long to respond and ypu wouod blow my phine up instead now its “I texted tou last.” Things were changing but all i thought was we were out of honeymoon stage. I just thought you were over the never going to sleep without saying I love you and waking up to a good morning message. I didn’t need you to call me pet names because i knew you loved me.
This was the time you started to shut me out, after two years you started to seem to loose interest of me. Of course i tried to hide the fact, but you didn’t even fight like you promised. Your schedule became too much and you thought leaving me would make it easier on you, and maybe it did but it only tore me to pieces. But i never thought once about giving up on you. Even know after you broke my heart line after line. Text after text. Yet, I still can’t let go.
I don’t blame you or even hate you a little for leaving. I just want you to be happy. That day i didn’t just lose my girlfriend, i lost my best friend , my go to, the person who knew my secrets and flaws but loved me anyways. I wish i could make the pain go away, i wish i could text you and actually get a response back. But for now i need to be strong for myself because that’s all i have. You told me you are so proud of me and i believe it. I believe you’ll find yourself and become such a great woman. I believe these are your selfish days and sometimes we all need them. Im not updet st you and i respect that you need to be focused for school. remember that i was never a half, i’m a whole and i was the one who constantly stood by you. And I still do.
You come over over today. I have been waiting so patientlyrics but I’m honestly super scared. What will happen? What will be said? Will it be awkward? I told my mom and she tried her best to give me a pep talk but I don’t think anyone understands the heartbreak. I know when you send me the “I’m outside” text my heart is going to fill up with happiness. I going to want to jump on you and give you uncountable amount of kisses, but I can’t bc you’re not mine right?
Some nights I stay up and wonder… where did I go wrong? Was i not enough? Did I fail to continue to make you happy? Why did you leave? And the big question is there someone else? Even though you try to convince me there isn’t. I’m convicted there is bc why would you give up on something you put so much time and heart into? Why would you cut it off like it meant nothing to you?
Promise me that you’ll chase all your dreams you’ve ever told me. That you won’t settle, that you figure out your worth. Any girl would be lucky to have you, baby girl you’re one of a kind. Keep your head up and stay strong. I’m so thankful that even though we rarely talk , and not together. Im thankful for our memories, our love, our good times and bad times for it was you to teach me what love felt like.