I miss you. I miss the last minute text messages to hang out. I miss the spontaneous girl that I got to call my best friend. I miss the random hugs , I miss the happiness you brought me, I miss everything about you, I wish I could go back to the moments when it was just us and the whole world stood still. I wish I could be myself again . But I also dont miss you. I don’t miss the heart break , and all of the nights I was up crying, I don’t miss the way I felt betrayed that Wednesday morning . I love and hate you. I know that probably sounds crazy but it’s perfectly clear to me. The love is overriding the hate and I genuinely miss everything about you. I still pray that one day you’ll realize how much I love you and how badly I wanted you to feel the same way I did. But that wasn’t the case, and I’m slowly trying to accept that. When you decided to dye your hair black , that killed me inside. I don’t know why it did, but I somehow felt like I was responsible for it, I felt like I had broken you just as much as you broke me and I felt terrible. But I had to keep all of my emotions in because if I let them go when the never ending staring started to become a normal event I would have been labeled “soft” and that would just fuel you and your new friends happiness. I just wish I never fell for you, I wish I didn’t see the good in you, I wish I was just a friend and not you’re “best friend ” because maybe then I would have had a real chance with you. I wish I didn’t know you inside and out , I wish I didn’t know everything about you , and all your secrets that no one else knew . I wish I could just be happy for you, and not feel this pain. I wish I could see you in the hallway and not have the feeling of being lost in the school I have been going to for 4 years. I wish I could learn to be happy again. I tried getting my hair cut to have a new start and that didn’t work, I tried writing poetry and how badly that went. I tried it all, I tried replacing the feeling you gave me and I couldn’t. I am lost in my own life and I don’t have the map , because you were my map. You were my reason to smile and most importantly you were my best friend and I lost it all. All I have left is 3 words ….. I miss you.