Vanessa,

You’ll never read this. And that’s fine because I’m writing it for me. I know it will be biased and one sided, but this is to help me move past this heartache. I own my role in the demise of our relationship. But this letter is about YOU, or rather me venting about you.

I’d never heard of “narcissistic lovebombing” before (Google it), but it absolutely applies here. We met thru OKCupid, and from our first date connected in an amazing way. From that night you were in constant contact via text, email, FB and after a few weeks asked for me to move in with you. I was flattered to be the focus of your attention. It’s not every day a beautiful, intelligent and sexy woman thinks that I am anything special. But that’s what you made me feel. I believe you did this, bombarded me with compliments and attention in order to get them back. That’s how narcissists work. Find a supply and milk it for all it’s worth. And I was a willing, albeit ignorant, victim. I fell into your trap and was yours. Hook, line and sinker.

The next 8 months had their ups and downs but it was by far the most satisfying, connected, intimate and vulnerable time of my life (despite you breaking up with me and kicking me out of your house when I was suffering an anxiety attack). You were my future and I was ready to partner with you. Fully committed. I was a father figure to your twins and made them a priority.

And then….You changed. Not a little but great big changes. Suddenly you were a born again Pentecostal Christian seeking a spirit filled life, reading me bible verses and listening to evangelists like they were prophets. You also changed careers, becoming a sheep in the pursuit of materialistic things at the expense of the people who loved you. You bought into the real estate game, had to have THE right car, THE right outfit, THE sales drive (think Annette Benning in American Beauty). You became someone I didn’t even recognise. Even your kids want to live with their dad now. No one feels like a priority in your life anymore. Add to this the extra hours and lack of weekends and it triggered fears in me (fears that were already lurking)…where do I fit in your life? How can we build a foundational relationship on sleepovers 2 or 3 nights per week? It didn’t matter to you, even after I made my fears known. I had to live your style of life to be with you, or not.

In the end, my desire for connection and commitment pushed you away. You ended our 14 month relationship over the phone, like the gutless narcissist you are.

So while my heart mends and I struggle to forget you, I should thank you for setting me free. Your single minded drive won’t allow you to see the carnage you leave in your wake, but I have to let go of the relationship I thought we could have and accept that it was never going to be, no matter how hard I tried.

I hope your choices are worth the sacrifices and suffering you are causing everyone. Good luck to you, and thank you for saving me from a miserable life where I was constantly guessing where I fit in your heart.

You didn’t deserve me.