You broke up with me the day before my college graduation… yet here I am, 3 months later still seeing your face everywhere I go. Hearing your laugh at everything sarcastic I say or clumsy I do.
Yet, in my head I constantly see your emerald green eyes staring into mine, with your cute little freckled mask. I adored you with every fiber in me, every breathe I breathed, and I still do. I can’t stop, even with all my strength and might I can’t. I see your family at church every Sunday, and to this day I turn the other way with my head down and continue on my way.
We had such a vibrant future together, what I thought would be forever. Every morning is like waking up from a bad dream, only this time, it’s reality. I put on a face for my day and lie to myself everytime I look in the mirror; “you’re fine, you’re strong, today I won’t think about him.”
The truth is, you consume my thoughts, and you’ve overtaken my heart.
My nights are filled with crying in my car in an empty parking lot, as embarrassing and pitiful as that makes me feel to say it. It’s a sickening feeling when I see your pictures on social media, I know I should be happy to see you happy, but anger and hurt fills me knowing how miserable I am without you and to see how happy you are without me.
I have grown to resent you; “how could you do this to me, at such an important time in my life when I needed you the most.” Then again, when I think back, you’ve never been there at the most crucial times. You’re only here when it’s convenient for you. You’re only here when nights get lonley, or you need a ride at 2 a.m. because your drunk at a bar with your friends.
I lay in bed most nights staring at the ceiling, mulling over in my head what I could have done differently, where did I go wrong.
But the truth is, I am so in love with you. You consumed my days and nights back when you were mine. Something that I haven’t felt in a very long time. I’ve been by your side since day 1, groveling at your feet, running to your every wish. People that don’t even know you, that don’t even care about you, get more of your focus than me. All you choose for me is lies and cowardly ways. But, my anger towards your carelessness is causing my heart to turn cold for you. And soon you will know the feeling of my disappearing presence.
I just hope one day you don’t (or do) wake up and realize what you had while you had it. Because by then, I will be long gone.