Dear Courtney, the girl that stole my heart and crushed it. You know I would have done anything for you because the love I had for you was REAL. I would have stolen the sun and stars for you. Maybe that was why everything went wrong..
This is extremely hard, the past couple days have been really hard getting up out of bed and getting on with my life.. you were my bug, my dove, my bae for the past 5 years. I only wanted to be with you and there was no one i wanted differently than you because you were the most interesting, beautiful, funny, smart, caring person i have ever met in my life. I know i shouldn’t be the one apologizing but i cant be mean to you, i physically cant do it. i CARE for you so much! But im sorry for the things that made you change your mind about me. All I ever wanted to make you was happy and felt loved. you hurt me real bad courtney. real bad and im not sure if ill ever recover from this.. but all i can do is take it one step at a time and hope time heals these wounds i have. Going from talking to you everyday of my life since i was 16 is a real hard adjustment. This letter isnt a begging for you to come back.. the damage has been done, the knife is already in and the ink is dry. But this letter is for me. I am not sure if you will ever see this probably not. But writing down my emotions is what is helping me get through. seeing everyones letters brings me reassurance i am not alone going on this journey i have been thrusted upon.. I am going to get things off my chest now and it may not be nice but they need to be said because you left me with no clarity and no closure. i had to find out from mutual friends and it fucking sucks to hear what you are doing after a week of the breakup.. WE DATED FOR 5 YEARS AND YOU CAN JUST MOVE ON IN 7 days…
I don’t know what i did to deserve what you are putting me through, i always thought i treated you with love, respect and support. why wasn’t my love good enough for you? You literally were my world and i wanted to marry you! and you said you loved me forever and ever remember? Dove? bug? i promise we won’t end up like your 4 friends remember? we talked about having a future with 2 dogs and 2 kids remember? Now all of that is gone.. and i am HAUNTED by these memories of me and you…
She broke it off face to face saying she needed to figure herself out and needed some time apart. but she never said we were broken up! so for the past couple days i was in the dumps because i didnt know what we were.. but i find out on facebook that she turned her relationship status to single and deleted some pictures of us.. but the next day she texted me this: You never did anything wrong. i dont want you to think you’ve ever made me upset or hurt me in anyway. this was just all because i have no idea what i want and i need some time apart to think about everything. ill always love you. ive loved you since high school and my feelings have not gone away. your my best friend and this was the hardest thing ive ever done. i just need some time to think about things. But wait it gets better.. I found out from a mutual friend what the real reason was. (you never told me this.) you felt panicked cause you didnt know what it is to be single.. but we were both single before we started dating! i never said you couldnt do anything, i always said your a grown women and i trust you with my heart. You never needed my permission to do anything. so the freedom of being single is just a soft way of saying you just want to hook up with some people.. and thats fine. if thats what you want to do and i dont make you happy anymore then you should be free and i hope you find some happiness.. But just know the feelings i had for you were GENUINE. I tried to make it work even tho i knew you were drifting i stayed the course and tried everything i could to make you happy again.. Then I find out from a mutual friend that you were on tinder a week after.. and hey thats okay were not together anymore. but dont you have any respect for me? did i not treat you right? How could you spend 5 years with someone and just throw them to the side like a used up dish rag? But this isnt going to hold me down… I am going to rise up from this some how.. i will find someone that will realize my worth and love. and all i can do is pray for you.. I forgive you for what you are putting me through.. i just hope you have the guts to talk to me and tell me exactly why everything happened the way it did and hold nothing back. i just need to know. I still love you courtney. always will.